| | | D.F.'s Previous Columns
Sanity Killed the CEO Star -
September 11, 2009
Poor Chrysler - September 4, 2009
You Love Chairmangreenspan
Bernanke, Because He’s There - August 28, 2009
Where Can Dealers Get ‘Clunker’
Cash? Hello, Sanford and Son! - August 21, 2009
‘Remember When I Beat You Up in
Third Grade? There’s This Business Opportunity . . .’ - August 14, 2009
The ‘Matrix 3’ and Other True
Tales of Real, Fake Brands - August 7, 2009
Mr. President, Let Me Run GM -
July 31, 2009
The Better Business Bureau and
the Helpless Victims of a Sales Pitch - July 24, 2009
GM Emerges Quickly from a Weird
Bankruptcy - July 17, 2009
‘Things Are So Crazy,’ Or So Says
the Trend-Follower - July 10, 2009
Your Fourth of July Day Off? It’s
Saturday, You Slackers! - July 3, 2009
Blocking Social Media from Your
Employees, Eh? Good Luck With That! - June 26, 2009
D.F. is Tweeting; What Could Go
Wrong? - June 19, 2009
GM and D.F.: Two Insane
Approaches to Unexcused Absences - June 12, 2009
Vive La Recession! Good for
Dollar General, Bad for Madame Snooty - June 5, 2009
Proprietary Process, Eh?
Trademark This! - May 29, 2009
They’re Ally Bank. Just Forget
They Were Ever GMAC. Please. Please! - May 22, 2009
Intel Inside . . . a Glass of
Pepsi (Or, D.F.’s New Antitrust Rules) - May 15, 2009
The Shocking Truth About Those
Evil Bondholders - May 8, 2009
Barack and Knuckles: The Day I
Met the New Owners - May 1, 2009
Delta Airlines and the Latest
Flying Annoyance - April 24, 2009
How to Profit? Easy! Just
Separate the Good from the Bad - April 17, 2009
You Moron CEOs: Time to File Bossruptcy - April 10, 2009 Mocking the Unmockable: Laid-Off Workers, You’re Next! - April 3, 2009 Recession Remedy: Paid to Go Away - March 27, 2009 Don’t Like AIG’s Bonuses? Try These! - March 20, 2009 Pity the Poor Speculative Strip Mall Developer - March 13, 2009 And Now, the Staff/Scion-in-Law Happenstance Encounter Subcommittee - March 6, 2009 Mock You During a Recession? You Bet! - February 27, 2009 The Facebook Privacy Freakout, and MyKrauseFace.com - February 20, 2009 Limit the Pay of Fat Cat CEOs! Except the Ones I Do Business With - February 13, 2009 Just Because I’m Paranoid Doesn’t Mean My Employees Aren’t Ripping Me - February 6, 2009 A Bullet Point (Or Three) Through the Heart of Business - January 30, 2009 Extreme Resume Weeding for Recessionary Times - January 23, 2009 A Snowmaking Machine in Duluth? Just Crazy Enough to Work! - January 16, 2009 Comcast and the Most Amazing Customer Service Breakthrough Ever - January 9, 2009 America’s Business Cash-Flow Slowdown: It’s All Gary’s Fault - January 2, 2009 T’is the Day After Christmas, So You’d Better Show Up for Work! - December 26, 2008 The Mysterious Guy In the Lobby - December 19, 2008 And Now, The Break-Up Fee - December 12, 2008 Work for $1 a Year? Ha! Not This CEO! - December 5, 2008 Gather Round, Children, For the Story of Thanksgiving - November 27, 2008 Peanut Butter and Jelly for Lunch With the Client - November 24, 2008 I’ll Run Chrysler! At Least I’d Be Funny - November 17, 2008 Death, or Missing the 4:30 Meeting? Not as Obvious As You Think! - November 10, 2008 A Day Off to Vote? I Don’t Think So! - November 3, 2008 My Schizophrenic Friend The Market - October 27, 2008 GM Tries to Survive by Trading for Junk and Cash; Hey, I Tried That Once! - October 20, 2008 Market Meltdown is Serious, And Yet I’m Still Amused - October 13, 2008 Congressman Bonehead and the Economic Cake Batter of America - October 6, 2008 Qua Mei? America’s New Credo: ‘Where’s Mine?’ - September 29, 2008 ‘Yes We Can!’ But You’d Better Not! - September 22, 2008 Wall Street: There Goes the Neighborhood - September 19, 2008 It’s Not a Bailout! Not At All, It’s Just Rick Wagoner’s Puppy - September 15, 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong When the Corporation Changes Its Name? - September 8, 2008 The Curse of the Perfection-Oriented - September 1, 2008 Web Conferencing: Preventing My Annoyance, Er, I Mean Saving the Earth - August 25, 2008 ‘Aggressive and Arbitrary’: Chrysler’s Crazy Cost-Cutting Plan - August 18, 2008 The Mystery of the Disappearing Client - August 11, 2008 The Box Busters: Innovators Unleashed (Or So They Think) - August 4, 2008 You Want to Ping Me? I’ve Got a Ping for You, Buddy! - July 28, 2008 ‘Out Sick’ is Out! - July 21, 2008 GM Bankruptcy Impossible? We Return to the Fanciful World of Rick Wagoner - July 14, 2008 Free Wi-Fi! (Kind Of, Sort Of, Not Really) from Dumb Starbucks - July 7, 2008 I’m Calling You On Vacation, And I Don’t Care - June 30, 2008 It’s Hard to Sell a Revolution to a Guy Who Just Wants a Desk - June 23, 2008 The 37-Year-Old Intern - June 16, 2008 Have You Heard the Rumor? - June 9, 2008 I Respect Your Privacy, But It Doesn’t Exist Here - June 2, 2008 The New CEO and the Jeans Day ‘Issue’ - May 26, 2008 And Now, the Tattoo Policy - May 19, 2008 Old Kirk Kerkorian Wandering the Neighborhood Again - May 12, 2008 My Coffee With the Economy - May 5, 2008 Don’t Read This Column; It’s Proprietary! - April 28, 2008 The CEO’s Away, So the Martini Shirt’s On Display - April 21, 2008 You Get Mad, You Spend: Ain’t Capitalism Grand? - April 14, 2008 Buy Local First!™ Unless It’s Crap!™ - April 7, 2008 Problem-Solving in Tijuana: The Clean Way to Off an Employee - March 31, 2008 No Time for Work! I’m Getting LinkedIn! - March 24, 2008 Papa Murphy’s Pizza and the Kid on Break - March 17, 2008 The Plan Has Nine Steps, But It’s Not a Nine-Step Plan - March 10, 2008 Strategic Human Resources, In Goldenrod - March 3, 2008 Privacy Schmivacy: Get Over It, Everyone Is Watching You - February 25, 2008 GM Loses $38 Billion: How Pleasing! - February 18, 2008 Seven Real Ways to Know Your Employees Hate You (From an Expert) - February 11, 2008 Still Thinking About That $44.6 Billion Offer? Say Yes, You Yahoo! - February 4, 2008 Kicked Upstairs; Better Than Kicked Out the Door - January 28, 2008 Clueless About the Meeting? Fake Your Way Through! - January 21, 2008 Scare Your Employees With Meaningless Business Nonsense. It’s Fun! - January 14, 2008 Fat Guy at the Buffet: Just Like the Retainer-Abusing Client - January 7, 2008 Netscape Was Still Around? That’s Just the Beginning - December 31, 2007 Don’t Be Stupid On Purpose. I’ve Tried It. It Didn’t Work. - December 24, 2007 The Bizarro World of Brutal Business Truth - December 17, 2007 Wendy’s: Your Slogan is What? - December 10, 2007 The Handshake is History - December 3, 2007 Wrong Again on Consumer Confidence, Whatever That Is - November 26, 2007 Thanksgiving is Over! So Where are My Turkey Employees? - November 23, 2007 Employees on the Net: Do Your Job, Then Dennis Kucinich and Giant Robots are OK - November 19, 2007 Skirting the Rules on Corporate Attire - November 12, 2007 For $70 Per Hour, Ford Might as Well Put Consultants on the Assembly Line - November 5, 2007 G-9! N-12! Southwest Airlines Introduces Bingo Boarding - October 29, 2007 Never Repeat the Yankees’ Joe Torre Mistake: End Performance Incentives Now! - October 22, 2007 Corporate America by the Letters - October 15, 2007 It’s Time for CEO Fantasy Camp - October 8, 2007 Pls Don’t Tell Me Pls. Thx. - October 1, 2007 Don’t Ruin Jeans Day! My Sucker Employees Were Falling For It! - September 24, 2007 Beaners Tries to Clean Its Name to be Spic ’n’ Span - September 17, 2007 The Bureaucrats’ Wise Words: If I Do It For You, I’ll Have to Do It for Everyone! - September 10, 2007 Raise Prices on a Bad Product? Obviously, Matt Millen is Running NBC - September 3, 2007 Do Your Trading on the D.F. Stock Exchange - August 27, 2007 Your Rare Opportunity to Ask the Business Answer Man - August 20, 2007 Chairmangreenspan Bernanke to the Rescue. Not. - August 13, 2007 Not So Many E-Mails! I Agree! Me Too! Me Too! - August 6, 2007 West Nile Kills, and My Client Wants You Dead - July 30, 2007 Spam Filter: The Latest ‘Solution’ That’s Worse Than the Problem - July 23, 2007 Sprint Is My New Hero: Complaining Customers Told Goodbye - July 16, 2007 Release of iPhone Means More Product Launch Silliness - July 9, 2007 Corporate America's Latest Silly Fad: Internal vs. External Competition - July 2, 2007 Watch Your Back When the Turnaround Specialist Shows Up - June 25, 2007 Expect Help at 3 p.m. on Friday? Are You Crazy? - June 18, 2007 Electric Car Has Me Looking For a Place to Get Zapped - June 11, 2007 Sales Call Catastrophe: You Can't Win When They Ask 'Senior or Junior?' - June 4, 2007 Wal-Mart, Whole Foods Face a Grave Situation - May 28, 2007 Lubed-Up Stock Market: Use Some Protection! - May 21, 2007 Sorry, Harley Dude: Ask Your Employees These Four Questions - May 14, 2007 Employees Fighting? Counselors Are Standing By - May 7, 2007 Selling the Life Out of the Dearly Departed - April 30, 2007 Godiva Chocolate Goes Mobile; Why, I Don't Know - April 23, 2007 Will Kerkorian Finally Get the Girl? - April 16, 2007 First-Name Basis with the Boss? Watch It, Mister! - April 9, 2007 The Office Romance Strikes Again - April 2, 2007 Skunkworks Groups: Destined To Be Corporatized - March 26, 2007 The Great Corporate Fork Debate - March 19, 2007 'My Neem Ees Neeeeel!' - March 12, 2007 Jittery Investors? Sell to Me! - March 5, 2007 Moving Cheese With the Corporate Book Club - February 26, 2007 The Bonus vs. Basic Human Nature - February 19, 2007 Which Department Should Lead? Every! - February 12, 2007 Management and the Cubicle Posting Debate - February 5, 2007 Wall Street Tackles the Mystery of the Good/Bad Thing - January 29, 2007 Business Wisdom Found Wanting - January 22, 2007 Catfight! 'NASDAQ Wore Our Dress!' - January 15, 2007 And Now, the 360 Performance Review - January 8, 2007 Stocks on Top, Coverage All Mixed Up - January 1, 2007 Crisis Overreaction II: The Investigation! - December 25, 2006 The Crisis Team: We'll Overreact to Anything! - December 18, 2006 'scare Your Employees': The Best CEO Game Ever - December 13, 2006 Laptops So Cheap, Maybe They Should Just Eat Them - December 6, 2006 No, Kirk! Stay! - November 29, 2006 Closing the Fiscal/Fashion Gap - November 22, 2006 D.F.'s Cure for Boring Meetings - November 15, 2006 Workplace Bullies, Workplace Wimps - November 8, 2006 Trust Me, Jobs is Innocent; He Knows Nothing - November 1, 2006 Don't Stop With the Taurus, Truett - October 25, 2006 How Many Licks Get You Through Corporate Training? - October 18, 2006 The 'Economy'? Ha! There's No Such Thing! - October 11, 2006 Announcing 85.4 Consumer Happies - October 4, 2006 How Are You? The Brass at Wendy's Wants to Know - September 27, 2006 What Does A Failing Company Have To Do To Impress? - September 20, 2006 From Carly to Crank Calls, HP's CEO Weirdness Continues - September 13, 2006 Management Makes a Go at the Un-IPO - September 6, 2006 My Cell Phone, My Laptop, My Freedom: Deal With It! - August 30, 2006 No More Boss? The Joke's On You, Newbie Entrepreneur! - August 23, 2006 Can the Kit-Kat Survive If No One Hears It Scream? - August 16, 2006 CEOishness Avoidance Cliches - August 9, 2006 'Failure Points': Kinder, Gentler Screwups - August 2, 2006 A Tale of Two Chairmen: Dr. Z and Mr. Lee - July 26, 2006 A Jumbo Jet of a Labor Problem for France - July 19, 2006 Phone TV for All, Profits for None - July 12, 2006 Alliance on the Table? Or Kirk's Latest Fable? - July 5, 2006 I Knows About Chinos and IPOs - June 28, 2006 Ethics: Silicone Honesty Implants - June 21, 2006 The Language of the Corporate Hulk - June 14, 2006 The Stock Buyers and the Stuff Buyers - June 7, 2006 America Wins in Vietnam; Commies Go Wall Street - May 31, 2006 Dastardly Auto-Pen Frames Innocent CEO - May 24, 2006 Halliburton: The Puppy Kickers Convene in Duncan - May 17, 2006 Country Warren and the Capitalist Fish - May 10, 2006 Ford's Biggest Departure Yet From Reality - May 3, 2006 You Vill Vatch My Commercial! - April 26, 2006 CEO Pay Is Costing You! (Well, A Buck-Eleven) - April 19, 2006 Better Start Doing It Right! (Because Bob Is Watching) - April 12, 2006 Fly Free, Pay Plenty - April 5, 2006 Men and Wine Do Not Mix - March 29, 2006 Ah Paris! Now I'm Firing You For No Reason - March 22, 2006 Carl Ichan Meets His Match With Korean Pranksters - March 15, 2006 Someone Call Arnold! It's the Cyborg AT&T-1000! - March 8, 2006 Work Tools? No, Silly, They're to Help You Relax - March 1, 2006 Dumb Solutions to Non-Problems? Trust Your Government - February 22, 2006 When Alan Opes His Lips, Let No Broker Bark - February 15, 2006 Is Kerkorian's Guy Wacky Enough to Save GM? - February 8, 2006 No Way To Measure Pajama-Wearing Job Creators - February 1, 2006 The Mind-Twisting Psychology of the Investor - January 25, 2006 It's All Fun and Games at Tax Time - January 18, 2005 Bill Me Later, And Don't Tell Anyone I'm Here - January 11, 2006 In Lieu of an Original Idea, 2006 Business Predictions! - January 4, 2006 Living the Green Vision in the George Jetson Mall - December 28, 2005 End of Late Fees Brings No Happy Returns - December 21, 2005 Doctor in the House: Just Past the Frozen Foods - December 14, 2005 And Now, The 'Eco-Walk Commutation Allowance' - December 7, 2005 They Came for Plasma TVs, Not Pastels - November 30, 2005 You'll Pay? Then I'll Go Away - November 23, 2005 How Your Name Ends Must Follow the Trend - November 16, 2005 | | | | | | | | | |
