Getting Used to Gay
Marriage
Earlier this month, two more states, Iowa and Vermont, legalized
same-sex marriage, with the latter state even becoming the first in the
nation to do so by legislative means. Sure, it's only four states out of
50, and comes a few months after Prop 8 eliminated gay marriage in
California. But that's still four more states than six years ago. And
four more than a certain segment of conservative America is comfortable
with.
The right-wing obsession with, and fear of, homosexuality is something
that continues to confound and confuse me. There's something about this
issue that makes people go absolutely nuts.
A new interest group, called National Organization for Marriage, has
launched a campaign against same-sex marriage, kicking off with an
unintentionally hilarious 30-second commercial in which actors
portraying "concerned citizens" warn of a "storm gathering," in which
"some who advocate for same-sex marriage" do all sorts of terrible
things like take away the rights of teachers and businessmen to do as
they please, and "my freedom will be taken away."
The ad is a laughable exercise in obfuscation, pretending that the quest
for marriage equality is synonymous with a handful of outlying legal
disputes that have little or nothing to do with the matter at hand.
In reality, no religious institution will be forced to perform or
recognize same-sex weddings, just as no church has been forced to
recognize any heterosexual union. This argument has absolutely nothing
to do with the rights of churches or business, or with discomfort with
judicial power. The obsession with gay marriage has everything to do
with four things: Republican wedge politics, disrespect of gay people, a
wish that they would not get married and, yes, that they would not be
gay.
Beyond that, no one has ever or will ever become gay, or not become gay,
because of a court decision or legislative act. You think there's this
whole generation of young straight people who hear that Vermont
legalized same-sex marriage, and therefore decide, "Hey, on second
thought, I'll be gay?" This is not the case, and no one who has ever met
a gay person could ever conceivably argue that it is.
It's not a zero-sum game. No one loses any rights when gay marriage is
legalized. My marriage to my wife becomes no less valid if gays are
allowed their own unions. If there are terrible, unjust legal loopholes
created by the advent of same-sex marriage, the solution isn't to toss
out gay marriage. It's to toss out the loopholes. And yes, the patchwork
of legal standards throughout the country are bound to lead to legal
headaches down the round, as David Frum pointed out last week. But
that's not reason enough, by itself, to eliminate the right to marriage
for gays.
Gay people have been around for the entirety of human history, and
they're not going away anytime soon. With every successive generation,
as more and more people get to know gay friends throughout the country,
homosexuality becomes more normalized and more accepted. Wedge politics
on this issue, from the right, is every bit as much of a political loser
as it is a moral loser.
No, this issue is not about hypothetical legal consequences that could
conceivably arise. It is, ultimately, about the dignity and humanity of
gay and lesbian Americans. How wonderful it is to see things, legally
and politically, moving in the right direction.
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