December 25, 2008

Have You Hugged Your Elder Care Worker This Christmas?

Hey, you. Yeah, you. Merry Christmas – or Happy Hanukkah – and Happy New Year. (Don’t give me that “Happy Holidays” garbage. And don’t even get me started on Kwanzaa.)

Now put down the stupid Wii. I want to talk to you.

So, you’re having a great time this week loading up the new iPod, running through the channels on the 52-inch Hi-Def set, hanging with the family and stuffing your face. But today and throughout the holidays, dedicated, kind, selfless folk will be working night and day at hospitals, assisted living facilities and nursing homes doing their usual thankless, frequently frustrating and sometimes smelly, dirty and tiring jobs looking after our older parents, grandparents or other relatives.

Angels on earth like Cynthia, who this week made the medication adjustments that relieved my terminally ill aunt of excruciating pain and cooed the soothing words that eased her into a peaceful sleep. Like Mabel, Luz and the other caring independent living staff who lovingly, smilingly get my father, who suffers from early-stage Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, started and finished with his day, keep track of his medication and feed him nutritious meals. 

Like the hospice teams who, day-in and day-out, gently and patiently guide grieving, anxious, frightened and often irrationally angry family members through the most stressful hours of their lives. Or the case managers and social workers who ensure that the physical, economic and psycho-social needs of desperately frail or disabled elderly members are met.

For menial, back-breaking and psychologically draining work, the average nursing home aide makes less than $10 an hour, and some earn little more than minimum wage. The average staff registered nurse – a college-educated professional pulling all-nighters offering mercy and healing and cleaning rear ends – draws just over 20 bucks. The average union auto worker gets around $40 (before benefits). Guess who I think needs a bailout?

You got a mom or dad or grandma or uncle at one of these facilities? Did you write a card or thank-you note to the key staff providing care? Provide a small token of gratitude – a box of chocolates or a modest financial gift? That’s what I thought. Money tight this Christmas? So skip a party and bake some cookies.  Yeah, it really is the thought. And it’s not too late. 

Got older relatives nearby but haven’t visited them in a while? Or even just picked up the phone? Shame on you. Put the 27^th DVD of the week on pause and punch that number into your new Blackberry.

Bring the kids over for a while? Oh, mom, do I hafta? Darn straight. Make them dump Guitar Hero for an afternoon and spend time with a lonely, bored, often depressed and frequently all-but-abandoned older relative. Go ahead. Make his day.

Want to do some honest-to-goodness good this holiday? Turn off Survivor: Siberia and America’s Top Left-Handed Dancing Model and go for some real reality. Maybe there’s an older church member or a former neighbor who would appreciate a drop-in. You’ll light up her life.

What could you possibly do? Try that ancient lost American art – conversation. Reminisce about old times. Look through old pictures. Play a board game or put together a puzzle. Go for a quick trip to McDonald’s just to get out. Or even just sit and watch TV together. Woody Allen said that 80 percent of life is just showing up. For older folks, your showing up could be 100 percent.

By the way, the National Association of State Units on Aging did a survey last month and found that an outrageous 85 percent of responding states have waiting lists for meals-on-wheels. And by the way, it’s not just money – they also can’t find volunteers. So this Christmas or Hanukkah, give a gift that really keeps on giving. Sign up. Or better yet, get your entire workplace to take a route. If nothing else, stop by a shut-in from time to time with a meal or a treat. Uncle Sam really does want you.

Oh, yeah. There’s always that one brother or sister who gets stuck with dad and/or mom. The drudgery.  The details. The doctors. The drugs. The debits. Maybe you can go for a visit and give bro or sis a couple days off. Make that call to the physician or accountant. Do some paperwork. Tomorrow’s not too soon.

Again, Merry Christmas. Now get off your butt, put aside the X-Box and make it truly merry for the Greatest Generation. Yes, you can. And should.