North Star Writers Group - Syndicated Commentary: Opinion, Humor and Features

September 8, 2008

McCain’s Dazzling Denouement: It’s Not How You Start . . .

Please.

Pretty please. With a cherry on top.

Don’t tell me you were among the bazillions (OK, perhaps merely hundreds of millions) who fell asleep early in John McCain’s acceptance speech at last week’s Republican National Convention . . . and missed the dazzling denouement.

After all, that quintessential presidential speechwriter, Peggy Noonan, called the senator’s oration “flat.” I’d say more like “flat-lined.” I’ve seen two-by-fours with more life than the opening.

Especially coming just one night after America’s new Drama Queen (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) “electrified” the convention, as everyone in the media put it.

Barack Obama may have felt more like “electrocuted.” Then fricasseed alongside the moose steaks. I don’t want to say the unheralded burgermeistress of Wasilla totally smoked the World’s Greatest Celebrity. But I’ve seen taserings that were gentler.

By the way, what’s with those digs about Sarah Barracuda not writing her speech? Give me a break. Most politicians don’t polish their pearly whites each morning without a flunky squeezing the paste and angling the brush.

Listen, I’ve been there and done that (ghostwrite, that is). You simply cannot so brilliantly capture a “voice” without big-time input from the soap as well as the soap-seller.

Yo, the Chief Hockey Mom’s best line . . . pit bulls with lipstick . . . was ad-libbed! And alongside terms like “still my guy” and “First Dude” to describe her hunky snowmobiler in her phraseology bag of tricks, I’m thinking there’s more where that came from.

Yet I digress mightily. Because I actually believe that Senator McCain’s speech may have done even more for the campaign than Palin’s pyrotechnic classic.

Say what? You heard me.

Consider this: Even the nominee’s measured tone appeared cleverly calculated to elevate the tenor of the debate . . . his share, at least.

Amid the refrigerator carloads of red meat otherwise tossed out, McCain’s congratulations to Obama came across as sincere, his calls for unity and public service genuine, his leadership adult – the principal restoring calm at ground zero of a food fight.

Best of all, his strategy fit into a truly dazzling feat of prestidigitation – transforming the contest into one between their number one and his number two. As McCain ads compared Obama’s experience with Ms. Palin’s, the Democratic nominee went for the bait by training his post-convention forays on her.

It’s one of the oldest political tricks in the book: “Let’s you and her fight.” And the Illusionist-in-Chief floats ethereally above the fray.

Second, putting aside the irritating repetitions of “fight” and “fighter” . . . we got it the first 20 times . . . the senator neatly extended some valuable themes laid out by his second-in-command.

Check this out: “We need to change the way government does almost everything . . . We have to catch up to history, and we have to change the way we do business in Washington.”

Everything? Now that’s what I’m talking about. If the senator is willing to put some serious flesh on those bare bones during this campaign, we could be getting somewhere here.

Especially in contrast to Sen. Obama’s half-hearted swipe at the reform theme: “I will also go through the federal budget line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work.”

Yeah, right. As Karl Rove sneered afterward, “Name one.” Don’t hold your breath.

In fact, how about this blast from the past: Triangulation. Like Bill Clinton’s permanent campaign not just against Republicans but also his party’s hopelessly liberal cohort, McCain has re-positioned himself to run against the corrupt and bloated GOP over-appropriators who fumbled away Congress.

In truth, Ms. Palin’s selection owes more to her “no thanks” to the infamous Bridge to Nowhere and her excellent adventures on eBay than to her place on the distaff side of the gender wars.

Last and way not least – the very senior senator from Arizona subtly distinguished himself from his opponent . . . and even the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania . . . by introducing a refreshing note of humility.

In case you missed it, the equally junior senator from Illinois used a form of the phrase “I will” a breathtaking 24 times during his acceptance. Maybe he is The One.

In contrast, the hall and television audience (those who weren’t snoring by then) fell silent as Commander McCain unveiled a jarring new angle to his familiar POW story – how his cruel North Vietnamese captors broke a cocky flyboy and taught him how to depend on others. And how this “imperfect” public servant is coming forward not as his country’s self-anointed savior, but as one who was “saved” by his country, and is determined to give something back.

There were perhaps as many tears as cheers as the crowd rose to its feet in that full-throated non-stop roar at the close of McCain’s suddenly and surprisingly rapturous peroration.

Hardened hack that I am, I’ll admit to wiping away a little moisture – as I roused my wife from her slumber on the neighboring sofa. The McCain campaign is surely thanking God for TiVO . . . and hoping it was widely deployed last Thursday night.

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