February 20, 2009

It’s Mourning In America, But Here’s How To Survive

 

So President Barack Obama just took every dollar America will ever have to its name that isn’t borrowed from China or Saudi Arabia, and flushed it all away with a smile and a pen stroke. But in countries built on freedom and individualism, people survive and thrive despite their moronic governments. As the leftist band R.E.M. backwardly said when they apparently started missing the “malaise” of the Carter Administration after Ronald Reagan took over: “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.” And here is how you, a productive American, can feel fine as the country locks into this socialist tailspin:

 

1) Turn off the TV news. I think everyone has a general idea of the idiocy in which Obama and the Democrats are engaged. You know why cable networks keep showing us this financial disaster porn? Because you keep watching! You don’t need to rivet yourself to a blow-by-blow of the implosion. The Obama Administration is going to be like any other soap opera – you can tune out and come back in three years without having missed anything. Go out and do something productive for yourself instead.

 

2) Listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio – every day. It really doesn’t matter if you agree with him politically or not – he is, by far, a better motivator than anyone currently on the professional speaking circuit or with a box set of “advice” CDs for sale during late-night infomercials. If Rush wasn’t the nation’s top radio host, he could have coached a team to the Super Bowl. Rush won’t tell you how great you are as a result of your mere existence, but he’ll tell you what you need to do to achieve greatness, success and personal freedom, in contrast to Obama and the Democrats who keep telling us we’re helpless and at the mercy of whatever “solution” they come up with for this economic crisis they’re exacerbating.

 

3) Don’t be afraid to take jobs outside of your field when times are tough. Bill O’Reilly says that he drove a taxi and worked as a nightclub bouncer between jobs. Rush Limbaugh worked in sports marketing for several years. While between jobs and just starting out, I did everything from Santa Claus photography in shopping malls to manning the complaint line for a parking ticket company and assisting at an investment firm. Spend your free time volunteering in your field to get the experience and contacts you need – like I did back in 2000, when I lived on $10/day savings in New York City, and slept in a small, non air-conditioned room with three other people, just for the privilege of fetching Connie Chung and Barbara Walters’s coffee at ABC News. So you have a freshly-minted advanced Masters or PhD degree? Congratulations – you’re now fully qualified to get to work sweeping the floors in whatever industry you choose, and to start proving you’re worth more than that. Don’t know where to start? Just ask an illegal immigrant where they managed to pick up some work. Remember that no work experience ever goes to waste.

 

4) Discover the joys and economic benefits of community. By this, I don’t mean saying, “Honey, I know we’ve only been dating for three weeks, but I think we should move in together because of the bad economy.” No – even the worst economic situation is no excuse for being a tramp. Keep it classy, but bad economic times are a great excuse to get closer to family and friends. A night at home playing Trivial Pursuit, telling stories and talking costs next to nothing.

 

5) If you’re in university, now is a good time to seriously rethink what the heck you’re doing with your life. Did you hear CNN’s story of the advanced law school grad who racked up $150,000 in student debt, sent out resumes to 300 law firms, got a single interview and no job offers? You’re probably on the phone right now to about a dozen people you know, after reading that sentence, thinking you missed their story on CNN. Newsflash: Universities and colleges are businesses.  Businesses run almost exclusively by liberals. That should tell you everything you need to know about what kind of return you can expect on your investment. They take your money, it disappears into the black hole of academia, and you get spit back out with your pockets emptied and your brain thoroughly washed. Research market needs and training programs that prepare you for in-demand jobs, or ones that will give you skills to create your own opportunities or business.

 

6) Create your own job, and get money to do it. Billionaire entrepreneur and Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, is offering cash to promising start-up businesses, with details on his blog at BlogMaverick.com. Could you imagine President Obama and the Democrats announcing, “Our $780 billion stimulus plan consists solely of funding for new American enterprise. Submit a solid, innovative proposal and you’ll get a cut.”? Neither can I.

 

7) Hey, here’s an idea! How about using your Facebook and social networking accounts for something other than posting drunken party pictures of yourself? Hopefully by now you have a few friends on there whom you haven’t simply added because they’re “cute” or “hot”, and you’ll have built a reputation through interaction within that network as a decent person who’s sufficiently serious and hard-working. Try leveraging and mining it for any opportunities. Just, please, avoid going full-bore at someone with something like, “I NEED A JOB!! GOT ONE?” It’s the business equivalent of a man jamming his tongue into your mouth within the first 10 seconds of the first date.