January 9, 2009
The Biggest Lies About the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
The latest chapter in
the conflict between the governments of
Israel and Palestine is generating loads of
media ink – and huge, whopping lies. Here’s
a roundup of the top myths related to this
war:
1) Israel launched a
preemptive war. Congressman and former
GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul,
suggested to Press TV – the official
propaganda arm of Iranian President Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad – that Israel’s actions were
“preemptive”. His logic: Israel has nukes
and Hamas doesn’t, so it’s unfair. Look, a
war isn’t automatically “preemptive” just
because one party was dumb enough to pick a
fight it can’t win. I mean, do you want your
jihad, or don’t you? This is getting
confusing. It also isn’t the first time Rep.
Paul has lamented the lack of nuclear power
in other Middle Eastern countries. In early
2007, on Fox News, Rep. Paul told me that he
didn’t have a problem with Iran possessing
nukes. The whole idea of Israel’s nuclear
advantage is moot, until Israel nukes Gaza –
and they haven’t. If you ask me, the
“Zionists” are showing unbelievable
restraint.
2) Israel is killing
Palestinian civilians. Press TV says
that 25 percent of deaths in Gaza have been
civilian. These terrorists could severely
curtail the civilian killing at any time by
getting out there and taking their jihad
like real men, rather than hiding around
women and children like cowards. Hamas’s
lack of warfare decorum, and insistence on
guerilla tactics when push comes to shove,
really isn’t Israel’s problem. Israel is so
caring and humane that even in the midst of
war, they paused their military efforts to
provide civilians with aid.
3) Hamas was just
minding its own business. Besides having
fired rockets into Israel to start all of
this, Hamas is second only to Iran’s
Ahmadinejad – and maybe the odd Al-Qaeda
member – as the heavyweight trash-talking
champion of the world. You’d think that
Hamas would have learned a lesson during
last year’s Olympics from French
swimmer/trash-talker Alain Bernard, right
before he was blown out of the water in the
4x100 by Michael Phelps and gang. The only
one who ever got away with incessant
trash-talk was Muhammad Ali – and that’s
because his mouth was writing checks that
his body was actually capable of cashing.
Hamas’s spokesman recently said: “Your
incursion to Gaza will not be a picnic, and
Gaza will be your cemetery, God willing. You
have no choice but to end this aggression
and end the siege without any condition. You
will not live in peace until our Palestinian
people live in peace.” Whatever. I’m sure
if Israel was capable of firing a strategic
missile right into this guy’s gaping pie
hole, the entire world would cheer. Until
technology improves, we’ll have to settle
for something a bit messier.
3) Iran has nothing
to do with this. While on vacation in
Vancouver, British Columbia, I actually
heard a local talk-radio host say, “The next
thing you know, the USA will link Hamas with
Iran!” Actually, Hamas has saved these
leftists the trouble of blowing out a few
more brain cells coming up with conspiracy
theories, and has already publicly linked
itself with Iran. A Sunday Times of
London article from last March quotes a
senior Hamas commander: “Iran is our mother.
She gives us information, military supplies
and financial support.”
4) George W. Bush
just wants war with Iran. The same radio
talk-show host above suggested that Israel’s
military incursion into Iran is part of a
larger conspiracy by President Bush to
attack Iran and steal more oil. Because
yeah, it makes total sense that Bush, on his
way out of office, would conspire with his
close pal Barack Obama to make the
government of Israel attack Hamas so Bush
can get his hands on more oil in the Middle
East. Naturally, the much more simple
argument that Hamas visibly fired rockets
into Israel and the Israelis got fed up
doesn’t make enough sense.
5) Obama is waiting
in the wings, and will save the world
shortly. About the only thing on which
Al-Qaeda and the GOP have ever agreed is how
useless Obama is, and how pathetically he
has been propped up by the American media.
Ayman al-Zawahiri said in a recent audio
message: “This is Obama whom the American
machine of lies tried to portray as the
rescuer who will change the policy of
America. He kills your brothers and sisters
in Gaza mercilessly and without affection.”
Not only has Obama failed miserably in
appealing to psychotic terrorists’ gentler
and more reasonable instincts, but he’s also
apparently “killing” people before even
having taken the oath of office.
6) George W. Bush
has “studiously ignored the whole problem”
of Israel vs. Palestine. Or so says new
agey expert-turned-political-analyst, Deepak
Chopra, in this week’s San Francisco
Chronicle. No mention of the Annapolis
Conference that Bush held in November 2007
with representatives of 49 countries to
develop a new Israeli-Palestinian peace
plan. No mention of Condoleezza Rice’s eight
trips to the area that year. But none of
this matters, because Chopra – a recognized
expert in such things as “self-awareness” –
concluded by humbly declaring his own
analysis “irrefutable”.
7) America doesn’t
give the Palestinians any money. No
country has been as generous with aid to the
Palestinians as America. And Bush gave
Palestinian refugees another $85 million
through the United Nations. What, you’re
whining that America isn’t specifically
giving money to the terrorist government
Hamas so it can buy better rockets? How
about getting that sentiment out of your
system by going out and buying your teenager
a new Lamborghini so he can promptly tear
out of your driveway and wrap it around a
pole?