November 4, 2008

Like OMG, Is Michael Phelps Still Running For President?

 

How might a President Barack Obama handle captaining the world’s biggest superpower in a time of war? The New York Times recently set out to answer this question – minus, naturally, any consideration for the “war” part – by examining two of the most prominent jobs on his resume – college newspaper editor and community organizer.

 

The Times explains how he does “meetings”, that he “prized order” and “control”, and quotes a close friend as saying: “The only time Mr. Obama slips from his normal cool self is when something surprises him.”

 

I guess that’s like saying pedophiles make excellent babysitters, as long as there aren’t any kids around.

 

Vladimir Putin, leader of the new post-Cold War alliance between Communism and Islamic states, prizes control, too. Former heads of Russian intelligence tend to be that way. He also happens to be fairly adept at dealing with adversity. Just ask anyone who has been treated to a Polonium facial courtesy of the Kremlin Mobile Spa (serving the greater planetarian region, on demand). And over the summer, while his Russian troops were battling Georgia in South Ossetia, Putin was chilling out at the Olympics in China. Meanwhile, Barack Obama, in one of the few foreign policy pop quizzes he has faced, changed his position on the issue repeatedly, like he was at Baskin-Robbins trying to nail down flavors for a take-home pack.

 

And Putin isn’t even the most serious enemy Obama would have to deal with. That distinction goes to the same opponent The New York Times and other liberal entities routinely fail to acknowledge because they don’t wear uniforms and abide by the rules of engagement that we’re used to seeing in Hollywood movies. No, our most serious enemy, in this fourth-generation war that swaps traditional geopolitical boundaries for ideological ones, is right next door.

 

It’s hard to speak of terrorism without being accused by the left of seeing jihadists under every rock. But that’s precisely where they are.

 

This week in Toronto, Canada, a homegrown 29-year-old Muslim was convicted on five charges of financing and plotting thwarted terrorist attacks in the UK. He was a contractor with the Federal Department of Foreign Affairs who spent his downtime hitting the monkey bars at terrorist training camps in Pakistan and writing love letters about Osama bin Laden.

 

That’s the enemy. But could Barack Obama recognize it? Judging by his close association with a terrorist like William Ayers, apparently not.

 

Obama has said that he was only a boy when Ayers and his Weather Underground domestic terrorists bombed the Pentagon and the U.S. Capitol. As proof that the war on terrorism isn’t yet taken seriously enough, one only has to imagine how the public might react if we found out that John McCain was palling around with a former Nazi war criminal, and justifying it by pointing out that he was just a kid when all that went down and he wouldn’t have supported it had he been around at the time. As though he couldn’t be expected to pick up a history book and do a bit of reading. That’s essentially Obama’s argument vis-à-vis his association with Ayers – and he gets a pass.

 

He also points to the fact that Ayers is now a distinguished college professor. Yeah, so? How many college campuses would recruit Osama Bin Laden, if we could find him? We already have the Taliban diversity program at Yale for “distinguished” jihadists.

 

Obama’s numbers in the Middle East are even higher than they are at the United Nations. One thing upon which Palestinians and Jews agree is apparently – and inexplicably – the notion that Barack Obama would be best for their welfare. 

 

As the Associated Press reports, at least one Palestinian is hunkered down at his computer in a refugee camp making random calls over the Internet to Americans, imploring them to vote for Obama. Meanwhile, a Gallup tracking poll has determined that 75-80 percent of Jews will vote for Obama next week.

 

Clearly one, or both, of these parties is delusional and projecting fantasies the likes of which haven’t been seen on such a massive scale since Pamela Anderson stuffed her assets into that red Baywatch suit and bounced along the beach. Why not just give Obama the Nobel Peace Prize right now? Because it’s all downhill from here, once the fantasymobile revs up and burns out of the garage.

 

The latest wakeup call – which will probably be snooze-buttoned – comes courtesy of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who according to Israel’s oldest daily newspaper, Ha’aretz, called Obama’s positions on Iran “utterly immature” when referring to Obama’s statement about wanting to engage Iran without any preconditions. Sarkozy also reportedly said that Obama’s policies were “empty of all content”.  

 

But who says people want content and substance? Like OMG you guys, it’s totally the American Idol election! Judging by some of the brilliance and depth of reasoning reflected in these polls, if Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps had been in the race and the election held at the end of the Summer Olympic Games, the president would be 23 years old, 6’4, and gearing up to go toe-to-toe with Putin in workout video sales.