Nathaniel

Shockey

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July 15, 2009

Oh, California Owes U All Right

You may have heard that California is having a bit of trouble paying the bills recently. But even for Californians, many probably don’t realize how bad it is until their tax return arrives in the form of an IOU. That’s right, since the California government doesn’t exactly have enough money – or at least not right now, at least not where they can get to it, at least not in the form of cash – California legislators have decided to take a page directly out of the Farrelly brothers’ fictional film about two idiots and decided to postpone its fiscal woes by issuing millions of “registered warrants” to Californians, some of whom might even earn enough money to pay taxes.

When I got my check, er, registered warrant, I laughed audibly. It reminded me of a column I wrote six months ago in which I compared the $787 billion bailout plan to the scenes in Dumb and Dumber in which Harry and Lloyd write down IOUs every time they recklessly spend money that wasn’t theirs. But even a week ago, with an economy founded largely on bailout money, I never imagined I’d receive a check, er, whatever, with an attached note explaining the enclosed funds as an IOU. I had made the comparison as a joke. Evidently my state representatives read it and missed the sarcasm.

It’s clear things have taken a misguided turn when the government starts calling things what they actually are as opposed to using euphemisms like “stimulus package,” or “government workers.” It’s also a pretty bad sign when official government mail uses language like “IOU,” which resembles a text message much more than a financial term.

Thankfully for me, my bank accepted my IOU as cash, which I was lucky enough to realize just one day before they decided that they were getting sick and tired of buying up government debt. I guess someone must have reminded the few remaining employees that the reason banks are closing is that they’re taking bad loans. But then again, who knows how long it will take the federal government to recognize the banks’ newfound financial strategy and put the kabosh on it? I can see it now:

CONGRESS AGREES TO MANAGE WELLS FARGO UNTIL BANK PROMISES TO CONTINUE ACCEPTING THEIR REGISTERED WARRANTS.

It’s only one step beyond forcing banks to loan money to unqualified recipients. The only difference is that this time, the government is the unqualified recipient.

I could go on, but what started as mildly amusing has become downright depressing.

Do California representatives recognize that the “U” in “IOU” is actually the last letter in the word it represents? Better question: Do our elected officials speak English, or have they been pressing “2” on the dial pad buttons their whole lives?

Between 2000 and 2007, California lost about 400,000 manufacturing jobs in an effort to set a global example of how to go green. Now we’re showing the world exactly how to go red.

Or we could point to the unions, which are estimated by many to be the most powerful in the U.S., comprised of some 356,000 members. As employers repeatedly submit to their unreasonable demands, union members retire early and often while the rest of the state is reduced to the unpaid version of unemployment. The unions have united so effectively that they’ve helped to demolish California’s economy in an incredibly brief period of time.

Either way, the once booming, chest-raised state of California has been reduced to bending over to environmentalists, unions, illegal immigrants and basically anyone and everyone who threatens the economy’s health.

IOU is right. The government owes us a ton. They owe the people billions of dollars in poorly used tax dollars. One might even go so far as to sue for emotional damage. Some people laugh at the sorry state of affairs. Others may wallow in misery. And then there’s me, doing both at the same time. For a while, I had myself convinced I was one of the sane ones.

© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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