Nathaniel

Shockey

Read Nathaniel's bio and previous columns here

December 24, 2008

The Night Before Christmas 2008

‘Twas the night before Christmas and our savior Barack

Was frolicking in Hawaii with abs like a rock.

The stockings were hung in the Tiki hut with care,

In hopes that their new puppy soon would be there.

Pint glasses clinked in Detroit pubs and bars,

As UAW members celebrated and overturned cars.

Their company found new life without earning a dime,

As politicians signed new legislation, drunk on vodka and lime.

Our overworked president, exhausted and pissed,

Finally found time to overnight his Christmas list:

A remote-controlled car, a baseball and bat,

To play with his buddies and drive off stray cats.

Removing thousand-dollar slippers from each of his feet,

Madoff was nestled all snug in his sheets.

He curled up with his billions, fell fast sleep,

And had nightmares of Armani shoes stuck in crap piled so deep.

Oprah was still shedding humongous tears of joy

For the campaign of her victorious golden boy.

A Christmas list from Oprah? That sounds plain funny.

She’s got all she wants, so she asked for more money.

McCain still couldn’t figure out where he went wrong,

Until it dawned on him that he had just lived too long.

If Bill Ayers and ACORN and Jeremiah Wright,

Couldn’t win this thing for him then it just wasn’t his night.

The media held a memorial, licking their wounds,

For a war they were so sure we’d eventually lose.

When the moment had passed, they toasted the elections,

And gave thanks to the aid of the recent Recession.

What a recession is, none of them knew.

Did it involve high gas prices? Could it be cooked in a stew?

Perhaps a supervised outdoor break between science and math?

Or something you play with while taking a bath?

On the night before Christmas, as our country goes crazy,

With a government gone bananas and a citizenry gone lazy,

For a moment or two, forgetting our dreadful plight,

May we think only of Christmas, with all of our might.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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