Nathaniel

Shockey

Read Nathaniel's bio and previous columns here

November 24, 2008

Is Homosexuality Chosen or Innate? You Tell Me

The real problem with the gay marriage issue is that the truth can only be found in either the spiritual or the scientific. The question that matters most is whether or not a person can be born gay. And the only possible way to answer this seems to be by discovering a gene that determines sexual preference or by believing in the Bible’s condemnation of homosexuality and assuming this means everyone is born straight.

Simply posing the question generally infuriates gays. First, the question seems to carry with it the tone that homosexuality is some sort of handicap, like asking someone if they were born cross-eyed. Second, there’s the it’s-none-of-your-business” factor. And third, there’s the argument that says, “Of course I was born gay, you idiot. Why would I choose this?” It is pretty understandable for someone who believes with all his heart he was born gay to want to shove his foot up your butt for even asking this question.

But to anyone who believes that we’re all born straight, he must somehow explain why someone would choose to be gay. To be asked this question is about as enjoyable as realizing there’s one tattered square of toilet paper left five minutes too late.

Suppose you’re talking to a gay person who acknowledges that you are a Christian who accepts the Biblical tenets concerning homosexuality. Suppose this gay person neglects to shove his foot up your butt and says, “I understand you think everyone is born straight because of your religion, but if that were true, why would I choose to be gay?”

Before going any further, it is worth reminding that the way some people go about their glorious straight-crusades is entirely unnecessary, ineffective and mean-spirited. No one needs to be insulted, jeered at or ridiculed. One of the reasons we can’t ever talk about this issue is that some people are incredibly insensitive and hateful. I think this percentage is dwindling, but let’s make sure we continue this trend by either having a stern talk with gay-haters or simply by beating the boogers out of them. Try diplomacy first, of course.

But getting back to the main question . . .

The comparison of this issue to interracial marriage has popped up repeatedly. One can understand why those who fervently believe sexuality is inborn would suggest it. People have generally (although not exclusively) married within their own race for thousands of years. The same goes for heterosexual marriage. Now there is a general consensus that marriage between two substantially differently colored people is fine. Why wouldn’t a change of attitude toward gay marriage eventually occur as well?

For many, the issue of gay marriage is about the children – which is right, I think. But it’s only part of it. Of course it is logical to say that a child is better off having both male and female role models. But for a gay person, this would hardly quell anger about a) losing the right to marry, and b) being told repeatedly that your lifestyle was a choice, and a bad one at that.

My wife and I are friends with a couple who have been married for something like 39 years, and they suggested that when two people get married, the things they aren’t able to talk about are like a pile of junk right in the middle of the living room. Over the years, the pile grows or shrinks, and obviously, living together gets either more restricted or more relaxed.

The gay marriage issue is beginning to contribute heavily to a huge pile of junk right in America’s living room, and unless we begin to actually talk about it, in all of its messiness, we’re going to fall apart.

I would enormously appreciate some feedback about this. Most polls show that nearly half of Americans believe that homosexuality is not innate. So tell me, if you believe this, how do you explain the statistics that show there to be as many as 20 million gays in America? Be specific, and give me examples. Tomorrow, I’ll post some of the feedback, and maybe we’ll make some progress.

We’re all people, and we all have brains, and they all, at least at one point or another, worked on some level of rationality. Certainly, our different personalities and experiences are what keep some people in the solemn life of a monastery for 50 years and others on the front covers of gossip magazines and eventually in rehabilitation centers. But the hope we all survive on is that we’re all capable of understanding and loving one another, regardless of our circumstance.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.

This is Column # NS144. Request permission to publish here.