May 5, 2009

A Few Thoughts About Mother’s Day

Sunday is Mother’s day. This is a holiday in which the men of America team up with their children to treat Mom to a sumptuous breakfast in bed, featuring chocolate chip waffles and grapefruit juice. Having no idea where Mom keeps the coffee beans, Dad and the kids run Hamster Kibbles through the coffee grinder, figuring “What the heck, how bad could it be?”

After breakfast the family watches excitedly as Mom unwraps the 21-piece non-stick skillet set they bought her from Costco, laboring under the assumption that non-stick skillets are exactly what she dreams about all day, every day, in her office at the law firm.

Of course there are the commercial Mother’s Day cards, with pictures of flowers and heartfelt messages like:

Mom, you’re beautiful and fragrant;

You’ve helped us grow from boys to men.

Without you, Dad would be a vagrant;

Oops, the cat puked in the Den.

Afterward, Mom can reflect fondly back on her special day as she chips the dried-up chocolate chip waffle batter off the kitchen ceiling.

It is only right that we take a little time now and then to honor the mothers of the world. They give birth to us, nurse us, change our diapers, teach us just about everything we know before we start school, and occasionally talk Dad out of shooting us or selling us to be used for scientific experimentation.

So just what is it that makes a woman want to be a mother? I’m guessing that it would not be the physical sensation of childbirth, which my wife described as the rough equivalent of pooping a watermelon. And it doesn’t seem likely that it would be rolling out of bed in the middle of the night when a young child is hungry, or sick, or frightened or stinky.

Could it be the phone call from the first grade teacher wondering where her child learned a particular word that she was teaching to all kids at recess? How about driving her fourth grader to the emergency room for stitches – again? Or staying up all night before the Science Fair helping her seventh grader rebuild his project after that little misunderstanding with the fire department?

Maybe she looks forward to sitting up all night waiting to hear what’s left of the car pulling into the driveway the first time her son borrows it for a date. Or trying to convince her daughter that she may want to reconsider dating the guy with the tattoos and the stove bolt through his ear – the one who works at the 7-Eleven now that he’s on parole from that armed robbery charge.

Is it skipping lunches so she can afford to pay for her son’s wedding rehearsal dinner? Or having to bite her tongue when she finds out that her daughter’s idea of the perfect wedding involves a Buddhist priest, some farm animals and a skydiving Elvis?

Or maybe it’s the day she will have to bury her tears as she watches her child proudly wearing a uniform, waving good-bye as he heads out to a place where he will fight for his country – and for her.

Maybe it is all of these things, along with the countless other Mommy moments that, somehow, eventually add up to the young adults who will one day take over the world. All I can say is, I’m sure glad that all those Moms are crazy enough to want to do the job. So take a little time and thank them.

There are a lot of people like me, who can no longer send our Moms a card or hand them a cup of Kibble coffee. All we can do is hold them in our hearts and minds, and smile at all the torment we put them through.

Moms always do like to see us smile.

Copyright ©2009 Michael Ball. Distributed exclusively by North Star Writers Group.

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