April 7, 2009

Hamburgers and International Monetary Policy

Today my wife and I observed one of our family’s most hallowed traditions. It’s a custom that has transcended generations, unfailingly signaling the end of the long, cold winter and the approach of at least a few days and nights guaranteed to be completely free from wool socks and ChapStick. I’m talking about the First Hamburger of Spring.

Actually, when I sat down to write this column I was planning to discuss President Obama’s trip to Europe and the G-20 Conference in London – but then I fired up my barbecue grill, the Enterprise, and I got distracted.

I guess writing about the G-20 would have been all right. While the Conference itself was probably real entertaining, what with all that sparkling conversation about global economic recovery and financial regulatory reforms, I found myself even more intrigued imagining all the stuff the press didn’t cover.

Like, I’d love to have seen some footage of Barack Obama in the after-hours poker game, bluffing French President Nicolas Sarkozy and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown with a pair of threes. Or the president trying to get Chinese President Hu Jin-tao to stick his fingers into one of those little bamboo Chinese finger traps.

Or Michelle Obama in the powder room with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, trying to explain the nuances of the American word “badonkadonk.”

Of course, one of the highlights of the week came when the Obamas met Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip. The big news came when Michelle and Her Royal Highness decided to be BFF’s, and put their arms around each other. According to Fox News, this was a breach of protocol that was destined to completely destabilize NATO. Pretty much everybody else on the planet thought it was kind of cute.

But where were the cameras when the Queen first tried out that iPod the Obamas gave her? According to the president’s spokespeople, it was loaded with show tunes. I would have given a lot to have seen just a few minutes of Elizabeth II with her ear buds in, krumping to “Jellicle Cats.”

A friend of mine mentioned that she couldn’t help wondering what the Queen has in that little black purse of hers. That question seemed a little strange to me, until my friend pointed out that no woman carries her purse around inside her own home. Of course, when you live in an 828,818 square foot house, you might want to have some Life Savers, a hankie, a compass and a pack of saltines along with you any time you venture south of the rumpus room.

So I guess in a lot of ways, the G-20 Conference could have been a pretty interesting topic for a column.

Or if I was a little more sophisticated, I might have been tempted to discuss Michelle taking on Carla Bruni-Sarkozy on the streets of Paris, pitting J. Crew against Christian Dior in a graciously smiling couture smack down. It was a hand shake, a double cheek kiss for the cameras, and then a high-fashion fight to the finish.

But since I don’t really know much about global finance, international diplomacy, or any of that high-society stuff, I am probably better off not writing about it. All in all, I’m on much firmer ground when I stick to subjects I totally understand, like standing in front of the grill with a spatula in one hand and a nice cold Molson in the other.

So, to make a long story short, the burgers were delicious.

Copyright ©2009 Michael Ball. Distributed exclusively by North Star Writers Group.

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