September 21, 2008

I Still Can’t Find My Way Home

Last week I wrote about my experience with GPS technology. Well, I heard from quite a few readers who had similar stories to share, along with one person who wanted to inform me that GPS does not stand for “Going Pathetically Slow.” It seems the device is actually named in honor of Gwendolyn Peabody Snuffbox, who was a key member of a research team responsible for developing something they liked to call a “global positioning system.”

I stand corrected.

I also received this comment:

I enjoyed reading about your experience with the GPS, but I have to say that it serves you right. Why can’t you just navigate the old fashioned way – with MapQuest?

Signed,

A Traditionalist

Well, Traditionalist makes a pretty good point; sometimes the ways of our forefathers can be the best in the long run. MapQuest, along with it’s cousin Google Maps, can indeed provide any potential pioneer with a map and turn-by-turn directions from driveway to destination.

I’ve just discovered that with Google Street View, you can even print out pictures of what you will see through your windshield at various key points along the trip. You will know your exit is coming up when you see the National Rifle Association’s “Jesus Loves Semi-Automatic Assault Weapons” billboard to your right, and a white panel truck towing a riding lawn mower on a green trailer in the lane ahead of you.

There are only two things wrong with using MapQuest or Google Maps. First, to use them you have to think ahead and plan your trip. Does anyone else remember their parents ordering the old AAA TripTik six weeks before it came time to throw the suitcases and hula hoops in the trunk of the old Fairlane and head off for Disneyland? Well, this is exactly the same thing – except it takes about 30 seconds online. Still, it’s the principal of the thing.

The second problem is that the directions are not always totally accurate. On several occasions I’ve had my MapQuest printout leave out just one little turn I was supposed to make. As much as I’d like to be charitable and say, “Well hey, they almost got it right,” you have to resent those unplanned two-hour side trips to Botkins, Ohio.

Some couples, where at least one spouse is a born navigator, have it made when it comes to traveling. You’ve seen these people, cool and confident, cruising down the highway with a large compass on the dashboard and a map casually unfolded across the passenger’s lap. I can just hear the conversation; “Reduce speed one third and come about to course two-two-zero honey. I want to stop up ahead there for some beef jerky and a Diet Coke.”

My wife and I are not so fortunate. I’m the first to admit that I have spent a good part of my traveling life wondering if someone was moving whole towns around just to confuse me. And my wife can actually sit watching a sunset without having any idea what direction she is facing.

So when we travel we need all the help we can get. We were thinking that maybe we should invest in a really good GPS and then learn how to use it. But just to keep us on our toes, I think it would be fun to get one that had a little bit of New York attitude:

“OK, doofus, your turn is coming up at the next light. You think you can maybe handle a left without spilling your latté?”

Now that’s navigation!

Copyright ©2008 Michael Ball. Distributed exclusively by North Star Writers Group.

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