If holiday gift giving is tricky, holiday gift receiving is even trickier. Unless you are one of those subtle people who hands out copies of their holiday wish list at Thanksgiving, odds are that what you receive is not exactly that perfect something you have been pining for all year.

This wasn’t such a problem when you were a kid. If grandma got you Malibu Barbie instead of Rollerblade Barbie, you could pout or whine a little and the next business day things would be set right. Once you become an adult however, not only is making faces at your elders out of the question, you are now required to accept anything that comes your way with a graceful smile and in many instances reciprocate the gesture.

Year after year you end up with unwanted gifts not really sure what to do with. Sometimes it is possible to return or exchange the gifts, but many of us don’t feel comfortable clearly rejecting the gift by asking for the receipts or inquiring about the origin of the present. Although etiquette experts are split on the issue, the obvious financial strain of the holidays causes many of us to re-gift as a resourceful way to put the unwanted presents to a good use. 

But re-gifting is a delicate practice, and there are some basic rules for doing it tactfully.

Should you decide to pass a present on, reflect on how meaningful the gift is in the mind of the giver. If you receive the same Rudolph-shaped holiday candle from a co-worker as the four people in adjoining cubicles, having it not end up as the centerpiece of your mantle is probably not going to break his or her heart.

Next, think about how close you are with the person who bestowed the gift on you. If your candle-loving co-worker also happens to be a family friend likely to visit your home sometime around the holidays, swallow your decorating pride and put it out, even if it is just for that one evening.

This rule holds especially true when the giver is someone you spend a lot of time with, like a family member. There are only so many times you can tell Aunt Edna that the lovely gold and maroon twinset that made her think of you is at the dry cleaner’s. Wear it once or twice when she is around and then feel free to make the world a better place by donating it. 

You should also be careful of re-gifting if the original giver and the person you passed the gift onto run in the same circles. Having a pal spot the earrings she bought especially for you on another acquaintance may not only cost you a lot of embarrassment, but a friend.

No matter how discreet and courteous you are, there are some presents that should never be given away. Anything symbolic or sentimental given by a loved one is a keeper. It doesn’t matter if you like silver more than you like gold; the only time jewelry should be given away is as an heirloom. Those, by the way, should never be given away. Neither should anything that has religious significance, was handmade for you or given to you by a young child (especially if it was paid for with their own money).

When re-gifting, it is always better to err on the safe side. When in doubt, relate back to your own experience. Ask yourself how you would feel if the item you looked for, stood in line for and hand wrapped was passed on. Most importantly, reflect on the bonds you share with the people who thought of you this holiday season. Seen from a larger perspective, sometimes wearing an ugly outfit, displaying an unsightly vase or attending a performance that makes you cringe is a small price you pay for friendship, the most precious gift of all.