July 12, 2006

Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Film Critics

You may think that getting paid to write opinion editorials is a sweet gig. You’re right. I check the facts, come up with a perfectly subjective argument choosing how much logic to include and send it to the editor. If you think that my value system is broken, my understanding of the subject poor or insight shallow, I did a good job. I fueled the debate, I made you think about the issue.

While political and social op-ed writers can assert what is right or wrong, cultural critics have to tell you what is good or bad.

That’s why I feel bad for the guys two cubicles down: the film critics. They don’t have the luxury of being wrong and constantly getting away with it.

In today’s day and age, moral subjectivism allows even the most obscure viewpoints to be expressed and protected as a part of the marketplace of ideas.

Bonus points for representing obscure groups with little access to the media.

A film critic is not so lucky. Representing the obscure few (mainly other critics or people who wear lots of black and won’t watch anything that doesn’t require them to read) is not welcome in their line of work. The film critic is pitted against the ultimate judge of what is acceptable or not: the general audience.

As diverse as Americans are in their political views, religious beliefs and cultural norms, we are overwhelmingly similar in our taste in pop culture.

We like our explosions big, our jokes over the top, our women pretty and men charming but rugged.

The good souls who try to convince us that our standards are incorrect are proven wrong again and again. And then some more.

Case in point: The Pirates of the Caribbean: The Dead Man’s Chest.

A renowned critic for the show business magazine Entertainment Weekly wrote that the movie is “a hellish contraption into which a ticket holder is strapped, overstimulated but unsatisfied, and unable to disengage until the operator releases the restraining harness."

She stamped the movie with a big D+.

The people who paid $152 million to see it last weekend seemed to disagree.

I bet the critic felt a little sheepish when the numbers came in, but blamed it on the audience’s low standards.

Hey, I do that too. But when the Senate doesn’t appoint my favorite Supreme Court Justice nominee or the Shiites refuse to do what I always tell them, my credibility isn’t questioned.

People are often willing to forgive trespasses against their values, but rarely against their taste.

Consumers need to trust the critic whose opinion they take into consideration. We political pundits will keep on going back and forth about everything from Al Gore’s PowerPoint skills to North Korean armament and once in a while hear a “that’s what I’m talking about!” or “is this guy crazy?” from our audiences.

Critics have a bigger responsibility to their readers because their perspective is exclusive - they have the access to information that an average citizen cannot get from independent news sources.

That’s why they get paid more than me.