It was nine o’clock on a Friday night, and my boyfriend and I were heading out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary at a stylish downtown restaurant. We got seated at an intimate corner table, and my boyfriend leaned over and - “AAAAH! NOOOOOOOO! STOP!”

I never found out what Alex was going to say to me at that romantic moment. I was, however, very aware of the sentiments of the two-year-old sitting at a table across from us.

Having worked as a preschool teacher for three years, my tolerance level for the unpredictable antics of small children is rather high.

The screaming fit, ignored by the parents, continued well through our first course. I finally got the nerve to ask our waiter if he could request that the parents of the distressed youngster either contain the behavior or take the child outside. What seemed like a reasonable request to me met with an aloof response of, “I’m sorry Miss, but I’m afraid I cannot do that. This is a family restaurant.”

The candlelit atmosphere, velvet upholstered booths and an extensive alcohol menu seemed to suggest otherwise. It appears that any establishment short of 21 and over clubs and bars has become a ‘family restaurant’, lowering its standards for behavior to the youngest common denominator. The trend is being reversed slowly, however, as patrons and owners of restaurants are having their limits pushed by the screaming, kicking, Cheerio-throwing, disrespectful clientele.

In a recent story titled “The War on Brats,” The Detroit News reported that an increasing number of restaurant owners in Chicago, Cambridge, Minneapolis and North Carolina are insisting that a certain decorum be maintained even by their youngest customers. But what started with harmless signs like, “We love children, especially when they are tucked into chairs and behaving,” posted on menus has turned into a full-fledged conflict between parents and the childless.

Offended parents are complaining that they have no way of controlling their children and that they too have the right to enjoy a dinner out. Absolutely true. But the behavior of their children should not prevent others from doing the same. It is understandable that small kids are going to whimper when they get bored, or sometimes forget to use their inside voices when in a public place. But it is the duty of the parent to at least attempt to stop such behavior.

At least that’s what was going through my head when I tiptoed to the table where the noise interrupting my dinner originated and politely asked the mother of the child if she could please tame the disruptive behavior.

Instead I met with more yelling as the woman told me that, since I don’t look like “mother material” I should keep my mouth shut because I have no idea what dealing with a small child is!

“Well thanks to your obnoxious, loud and poorly mannered child I hope I never will,” I thought to myself as I returned to my table. Those of us who do not have the privilege of getting tax deductions to spend on ballet lessons and BuildABear or any of the other great joys that come with being a parent, should at least be able to have a peaceful meal.

After all, we are already quite child-friendly as a society. There are very few places on earth where restaurants provide booster chairs and special menus, much less crayons and toys. Restaurant reminders that children should behave themselves are mild compared to French commercials which use a child misbehaving in a supermarket as a reminder to use condoms.  

But after I had a little time out, I rethought my harsh opinions of the defensive parents. When we use empty stereotypes to describe each other’s lifestyles and refuse to see the other side’s point of view, we are, ironically, the ones acting like children. The art of compromise, which we so eagerly try to infuse into our younger generations, seems to escape us when conflict arises.  If all sides seriously consider the atmosphere of the diner and the time the outing is to take place, restaurant owners and patrons, childless or not, can agree to respect one another, setting a great example for the children along the way.