Lucia

de Vernai

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February 25, 2009

Have All the Kids You Want, Nadya; But You Pay for Them

Last night while standing in line at a supermarket, I added up the cost of the items in my cart and decided that I can live without the organic chapstick. I set it on a magazine rack by the register and picked up an “entertainment magazine” to pass the time. Flipping past pages of $1,100 bags and close-ups of Madonna’s stretched out face, I arrived at the story of cover girl Nadya Suleman.

Images of the 33-year-old’s swollen, stretched womb giving in to gravitational pull, thanks to its resident octuplets, has been replaced by shots of Suleman’s wide-set eyes and long black hair in her best impression of Angelina Jolie. But the protruding bottom lip is the extent of the comparison. Suleman’s single motherhood includes six more young children, no employment and no sex-symbol baby daddy.

So why did she ask her doctor to break national guidelines and implant six (two split), not two, embryos? “You either use them or destroy them. You either use them or destroy them. You either use them or destroy them," she said. Use them for what exactly? Well, for creative use of the welfare system and the goodwill of Americans in these prosperous economic times.

On a family web site you can donate (by check or credit) to raise other people’s children. In case your taxes are not high enough, you should get on that. If you prefer the middleman, you’re in good company. So does the hospital where the octuplets were born, asking Medi-Cal, California’s Medicare to pay up. Suleman saved up $100,000 for the procedures but for the next 18 years or so, it’s the taxpayer’s problem.

Being a responsible citizen, Suleman has decided to go back to school to complete her master’s degree. Pardon my asking, but what the living hell do you want 14 young kids for if you’re focusing on graduate school?! During finals my plants die. Fourteen human beings, some with disabilities? This is not going to end well . . .

Everyone is entitled to family happiness, and there is no such thing as too many children. It’s a matter of personal choice. Sure it is. Just don’t make me pay for it. If some crazy cow wants to have 14 kids she doesn’t plan on raising, that’s not my business – unless it means that kids in my state cannot read by fourth grade and seniors cannot afford their medications. It’s a waste of money that’s already hard to stretch.

On the bright side, Suleman says, “no more kids.” Well, that’s good news. In the meantime, you can tell your kids to put back the Skittles or soda next time you are at the supermarket. Mommy has to save up to take care of other people’s children.  

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