Lucia

de Vernai

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November 24, 2008

Vatican Forgives Lennon’s Blasphemy; Hey! Elvis Made Him Do It!

While America is preparing for the holidays buying cheap gas and turkey stuffing, the Vatican is celebrating the spirit of the season early and right on time for the music industry. Forty-two years after John Lennon told a British newspaper that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, the official Vatican newspaper forgave Lennon for his blasphemy.

"The remark by John Lennon, which triggered deep indignation mainly in the United States, after many years sounds only like a 'boast' by a young working-class Englishman faced with unexpected success, after growing up in the legend of Elvis and rock and roll," Vatican Osservatore Romano explains. It was Elvis’s fault all along. We should have known.

The men behind “Lady Madonna” have finally melted the Church’s hearts to show that it is by works that you are saved when the Vatican’s daily went on to say that, “Thirty-eight years after breaking up, the songs of the Lennon-McCartney brand have shown an extraordinary resistance to the passage of time, becoming a source of inspiration for more than one generation of pop musicians."

“Lennon-McCartney brand.”. . . Hmm. It never crossed my mind that the Catholic Church plays favorites but this choice of label makes me wonder whether Ringo is even allowed to receive the sacrament. And if anyone cares either way.

The announcement of forgiveness came at a convenient time. Published on the 40^th anniversary of the “White Album” release, it surely got more press coverage than the “Corrections/Forgiveness” section of the Osservatore Romano. Fallen altar boys, professional confessional evaders and Rosary-counting faithful alike are scratching their heads over the reasoning behind the announcement as well.

The Beatles’ music certainly has resisted the passage of time . . . just like the Gnostic Gospels and Protestants. Source of inspiration to more than one generation of pop musicians? Both Satan and Madonna have come to share that title. The positive influence of the Beatles (abstinence, obeying authority and recreational drugs not included) seem like a barely believable reason for the Catholic authorities to change their minds about a comment that set Beatles records on fire all throughout the U.S.

By those standards, Bono will be beneficiated before his next world tour. There may even be hope for Sinead O’Connor, although she’ll have to put some better material out first. Most importantly, however, we now know that blaming environmental factors is legitimate grounds for absolution. From “the devil made me do it” to “it was Elvis and his shiny pants that lead me off the straight path” to “But Britney wasn’t wearing underpants!” all hell will break loose.

If the Church wants to offer forgiveness, that’s great news. In fact, the Inquisition, sundry stake burnings and the personal history of any given pope over the course of 13 centuries are great motives to do some exonerating. But looking at the irrelevant merit-based standards it applied to Lennon, it shouldn’t surprise us if clearing Michael Jackson’s conscience were next. 

It is the 25-year anniversary of “Thriller” after all.   

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