December 6, 2006

Holidays American Style

“When in Rome do as the Romans do.” You may have heard this aphorism while traveling abroad as an incentive to eat something strange, not wear your flip-flops with absolutely everything or pretend you did not vote for Bush.

Well, the same holds true for the U.S. When you’re on our turf, we expect you to get with the program too. No, I’m not talking about English as an official language. I’m talking about the Holidays, American style.

As a child in Eastern Europe, I often heard of the greedy Americans who strip the special time of the year by focusing on gifts instead of values. Today, I beg to differ.

The American approach to holidays is a lot more flexible than in any other country. To some of you it may mean mass at midnight. To some lighting the menorah. To others, it’s just skiing season. Here, the Holidays are what you make them.

The subject becomes problematic only when someone tries to impose what the perfect holidays should look like. If to you the holidays mean sledding or making a snowman with your kids or warming by the fire, I hope you get to do all three this year.

For me, it means decorating the Saguaro in my front yard wearing a t-shirt. I admit that hearing “dashing through the snow” on the radio and driving by a palm is confusing at times, but what matters is that I’m home. In this country, your longitude and latitude are not as important as being where the heart is. 

And as for the shopping, we do lots of it. Around this time of the year, the mall has bigger crowd-drawing power than a Hezbollah rally. The exit lane of the highway leading to the shopping center is bumper to bumper for a mile and a half. A similar scenario plays out in the fitting rooms. Shopping-frenzy-induced violence happens, and we’re not proud of it. At least our soccer stadiums aren’t crime scenes, OK?

Some point to the holiday shopping phenomenon and claim that Americans are trying to satisfy their addiction to consumerism. Maybe there is some truth to that. I’ve noticed that there are good motives involved too. Americans work long and hard for their money, and when the time to share comes, they find it a joy to share the fruit of their labor with those they love and care for. They’re very efficient at it too. The lax return policies and the marvel known as gift cards are unmatched.

While in many other countries there is stigma on anyone who does not celebrate a religious holiday, enjoying your ‘Winter Break’ or ‘Solstice’ is just fine by us. The eggnog, smell of cinnamon and skating rinks are for everyone to enjoy.

If you're a foreigner coming to the U.S. for the holiday, go with the flow. Enjoy the excitement and lavish preparations. However, be warned - the day after Christmas, sale shopping begins. It doesn’t matter how many stadiums you’ve been in, you want to stay out of the American’s way. If you grab an article of clothing the instant they do, let go. You don’t want to irritate, frustrate or especially anger them. I’m sure it’s written somewhere on the U.S. consulate’s webpage. Because as the world knows, hell hath no fury like an angry American.

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