Jamie

Weinstein

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September 22, 2008

A Circus of a Campaign in Wild and Crazy Times

To paraphrase Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd, we live during a wild and crazy time. If you didn't think so before, the last two months surely have proven it.

Just as the Olympics began on August 8, the Soviet Uni, err, Russia mounted a massive invasion of Georgia. While tensions ran high between the West and Putin's Cleptocracy, Russian tanks rolled toward Tbilisi. Tbilisi, of course, is a suburb of Atlanta. Or at least I think that is right. Maybe it is a suburb of Savannah.

Anyway, as a result of Putinastan's military invasion, the United States and the United Republic of Vladimir Putin have been engaged in a mini cold war. In reaction to America strengthening ties with several states bordering Tsar Putin's state, Russia has promised to sell military equipment to Iran and scheduled military maneuvers with Venezuela in strict violation of the Monroe Doctrine.  And by golly, no one, and I mean no one violates the Monroe Doctrine and gets away with it.

Shortly after the crisis in the caucasus began, John McCain chose his vice-presidential nominee. Understanding that his administration would have to deal with a resurgent Russia, McCain made the only logical choice possible by picking the Alaskan Barracuda Sarah Palin. Sure, Putin releases pictures of himself hunting a tiger. That's nothing. Sarah Palin hunts moose. How do you like them apples, Comrade Putin?

Just prior to Palin's pick, the Democratic Party held their nominating convention in Denver. Going into the convention, the McCain campaign was portraying Barack Obama as a mere celebrity.  Opting to play it low key to fight the image, Obama accepted his party's nomination before 80,000 screaming fans and in front of Greek columns. If Obama is elected, I suppose we should expect that he will seek to place his presidential library in Alexandria, Egypt. 

With the Democratic National Convention over, the Republicans prepared to open their nominating convention in the rocking city of Minneapolis-St. Paul, the home of the holy grail of airport bathroom stalls. Unfortunately, Gustav had other ideas. As the hurricane prepared to strike the Gulf Coast, the Republicans were forced to cut a day off their party.

Speaking of hurricanes, this has been a summer full of them. Unfortunately, the damage they have caused has been extensive. This only proves the old adage that no matter how much lipstick you put on a hurricane it is still a hurricane. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Tehran last week, a vertically challenged Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared that he is prepared to debate Barack Obama and John McCain when he comes to New York this week to address the United Nations. The last foreign leader to propose such a challenge was Saddam Hussein, who offered to debate President Bush right before the Iraq War began in 2003. If you haven't been keeping up with the news, let's just say things haven't turned out so well for Saddam.

While it is uncertain at time of publication whether or not the Commission on Presidential Debates will accommodate the minuscule Ahmadinejad at any of the upcoming presidential forums, one must suspect that if they do, Bob Bar, Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney might feel just a little bit jilted. Then again, there is really no reason for McKinney and her Green Party to get too upset. At least their foreign policy views will be well represented in such a scenario, even if it is through an unexpected surrogate.

But it is not foreign policy that is on the minds of many voters these days. It is the souring economy. Just last week, the investment banking firm Lehman Brothers went bankrupt and vanished from Wall Street after well over 100 years in existence. My strict contractual demand to be paid in Lehman Brothers stock – and only Lehman Brothers stock – now seems unwise in retrospect. I should have accepted the Ron Paul dollars my editors were offering as compensation. But do not fret for me. I insured myself against such a catastrophe at AIG. I think I should be safe.

Enormous challenges confront the next president of the United States as the last two months have reminded us. Instead of debating these great challenges, however, our two major party candidates discuss how many houses John McCain may or may not have and whether or not Barack Obama intended to call Sarah Palin a pig. Am I the only one that thinks this is a tad insane?

For what it's worth – and let's hope it is worth more than my wheel barrels full of Lehman Brothers stock – I think John McCain is right when he says that the tone of the campaign would probably have been significantly better if Barack Obama had accepted his invitation to appear with him at weekly town hall meetings. But Sen. Hope and Change from Illinois declined to do so, thus failing to capitalize on an idea that would have actually provided substantial change to the way presidential campaigns are conducted. Now we have a circus masquerading as a presidential election. Forget pigs, send in the clowns.  

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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