Jessica

Vozel

Read Jessica's bio and previous columns here

December 1, 2008

A Liberal’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays

It’s the time of year when commercials convince us that holidays are a cozy, nostalgic time – an opportunity to have harmonious family gatherings and melt hearts with the perfect gift, when in reality we’re tearing our hair out. The intrinsic stress of holiday gift-giving and party-hosting is enough. Add to that the tensions of clashing politics at the dinner table and you’ve got a perfect storm for a miserable time.  

Certainly conservatives have troubles during the holidays, too. But, as a liberal, I can only discuss our unique holiday challenges. We are feminists forced to wash dishes while the men recline on couches watching football, anti-consumerists venturing into those sprawling Meccas of consumerism known as shopping malls, vegetarians who sit down to tables full of meat while relatives tell the same jokes about our meatless plates every year – and Obama voters whose families believe that there might not be a Christmas next year because our communist, atheist dictatorship will outlaw it. (In case any family members are reading, not all of these complaints are true of you). 

Sure, there are things liberals can do to change the dynamic – refuse to do dishes, shop online, bring a Tofurkey to dinner. But it’s not always that easy, at least for me.

Deep down, there’s a part of me that likes the tradition of the holidays. I have fond memories of Black Friday battles in war-torn department stores. I even love the frustrated, sleep-deprived crowds (except, of course, when those crowds become murderous, like they did at a Long Island Wal-Mart this past Friday by stomping an employee to death). I tear up at cheesy holiday songs and, yes, holiday commercials. I like getting and giving stuff – even unnecessary, non-eco-friendly stuff. As I mentioned in my column last week, a whiff of turkey brings warm memories, even though for moral reasons I haven’t eaten it in years. I even have some nostalgia for political battles over Thanksgiving dinner, during which my uncles get red-faced and my aunts adopt soothing voices to get them to settle down. In the end, we’d usually wind up laughing and toasting one another, a family again. 

So, where’s the middle ground? How do tradition-living progressives find peace during the holidays without compromising their beliefs or starting a fight? One possible route is for liberals with families of their own to start new traditions. Maybe their children, then, will associate the smell of Tofurkey with pleasant memories and get all fuzzy at the thought of making homemade gifts rather than navigating packed malls. However, if like me you are unmarried and childless (which, additionally, brings many questions during the holidays of when exactly you will marry and give birth), the answer lies in compromise, and a bit of sneakiness.

For dishwashing feminists, try coaxing everyone into a game of rock-paper-scissors to see who will be in charge of cleanup. No gender-role dissertation necessary (though you can slip in a sentence or two about women enjoying football, too). For vegetarians, bring your own dishes that aren’t obviously vegetarian – for example, a nut loaf or a broccoli casserole, as opposed to an obvious meat analogue like soy turkey. Traditional (read: stubborn) relatives are more likely to eat it if it doesn’t have soy, and you’ll have the comfort of knowing that your dish doesn’t have any non-vegetarian secret ingredients. When the inevitable “but vegetables were once living, and you eat those!” jokes arrive, have some snappy one-liners prepared that’ll get the table laughing with instead of at you.

For anti-consumerists who enjoy the frantic holiday atmosphere, spend some time at the mall window-shopping and enjoying the cheesy music, the smiling children waiting to see Santa and the larger-than-life decorations, but make handmade gifts at home or buy them at secondhand shops, which are eco-friendly and economically smart. And secondhand doesn’t have to mean lower-quality – check around for local used bookstores and vintage clothing stores that sell the good stuff for half the cost. 

And as for those dinner-table political clashes – especially when you’re the odd-man out – stand your ground but stay calm. Explain your reasons for believing what you do, and if the discussion gets out of hand, raise your glass and toast to agreeing to disagree. This all may be overly simplistic advice given the range of families with which we are made to spend the holidays, but I’m of the mind that it just might work. Either that, or those commercials have done their job in making me believe that holiday harmony is possible after all. 

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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