David J.

Pollay

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February 2, 2009

The Law of the Host

Do you know that feeling you have when you enter a room and you don’t know anyone? You know you’re supposed to meet new people, but you don’t know where to begin. You feel like a little kid on the playground hoping someone will invite you to play. Fourteen years ago, I learned that it doesn’t have to be this way.

I went to a party in New York City. My friend told me to meet him there. He knew the host. He said it would be fun. He gave me the address. It was in the East Village. I took a cab.

My cab pulled up. I paid the driver, got out and walked to the front door. The door was partially open, and I could see people talking and laughing inside. I opened the door wide and stepped in. No one was there to greet me so I unbuttoned my coat. I scanned the room. I couldn’t see my friend. I looked at my watch. I was on time. He must be late. I walked in.

I looked around the room. I knew no one. The music was loud. People were gathered in small groups. I felt out of place.

Just then a young woman with a warm smile approached me. She was holding a big bag of M&Ms.

She said, “Do you want some M&Ms?”

“Sure,” I said, relieved someone was talking to me.

“OK, open your hand,” she said. The young woman poured M&Ms in my hand.

“Thanks.” I put one in my mouth, and cradled my hand around the rest.

She said, “Welcome to the party. I’m Susana.”

“I’m David. Nice to meet you. Great apartment.”

“It’s a great place, isn’t it?” Susana said looking around.

Then I said, “Thanks for having me. Everyone seems to be having fun.”

She laughed, “The party is great. Lots of cool people. But it’s not my party.”

“That’s funny. I thought this was your party.”

Susana smiled. “No, I’m just like you. Before tonight, the only person I knew at the party was my friend who brought me here. She’s over there by the kitchen.”

I paused. I was confused.

She said, “I just wanted to welcome you.”

“But what about the big bag of M&Ms and the hello?”

Susana smiled and looked at me with a question in her eyes.

I said, “What?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“I do.” This is when she told me what I call, “The Law of the Host.”

You can be one of two people in life. You can be a guest, or you can be a host. When you see yourself as a guest, you’re always waiting. You wait to be greeted. You wait to be welcomed. You wait to be introduced. Other people come to you. You wait.

But when you see yourself as a host, you view life as your event. You reach out to others. You smile. You greet people. You make people feel welcome. And when you do, your life opens up to new people, new experiences, and new opportunities.

Susana smiled. “Do you want some more M&Ms?”

“No. I’m good. Thanks.”

I looked up and I saw my friend coming across the room. Susana excused herself and said she would be back.

It was then I realized Susana was right. I have a choice. It’s up to me how I show up in life. My mindset is what matters. If I feel like a guest, I act like a guest. If I feel like a host, I act like a host.
 

We have all played the good host. We feel confident. We feel energized. We know it is our responsibility, our pleasure, and our right to interact with everyone. We reach out to people and make them feel comfortable. We make sure they feel included.

It’s easy for us to live life as a guest. We can let people come to us. This approach is not wrong. It’s unobtrusive and it can be respectful. But it is conservative. It’s a blending strategy. We avoid the risk of standing out. Stepping out to meet people can lead to disappointment: Not everyone will respond the way we would like or expect.

But if we see ourselves as the host, we turn our focus to other people. We welcome them at church, synagogue or our place of worship. We make new connections at our business meetings, conferences, club events and parties we attend.

When we follow The Law of the Host, we are at our best and we bring out the best in others. Susana taught me you can play the host wherever you are.

Want some M&Ms?

David J. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™. Mr. Pollay writes the Monday Morning Momentum Blog each week. He is a syndicated columnist with North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ television program, and an internationally sought after speaker. Mr. Pollay’s book, Beware of Garbage Trucks!™, is due out in 2009. Mr. Pollay is the founder and president of the consulting and seminar organization, The Momentum Project.

© 2009 David J. Pollay. Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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