David J.

Pollay

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November 10, 2008

Revenge Does Not Pay

Many people spend their lives trying to get back at people. They feel abused, challenged or violated, so their mission is to hit back someday. They often think about what they “could have said” or “should have done.” And they fantasize about revenge.

They become movie directors: They imagine a scene where they get to talk like the hero of big action movie: “You just messed with the wrong guy. I just became your worst nightmare!” And then, in their dream scene they stick it to the person that hurt them. And even better, they watch it all in slow motion to extend the joy of evening the score. And their scene ends with their walking triumphantly into the distance with victory music playing in the background. Why? They just carried out justice.

But reality plays out differently than in the movies. Positive Psychology co-founder, Martin Seligman, in his book Authentic Happiness, speaks directly to the pitfalls of lashing back at people who have crossed us. Seligman wrote:

“Dwelling on trespass and the expression of anger produces more cardiac disease and more anger . . . The overt expression of hostility turns out to be the real culprit in the Type-A heart attack link. Time urgency, competitiveness, and the suppression of anger do not seem to play a role in Type A people getting more heart disease. In one study, 255 medical students took a personality test that measured overt hostility. As physicians 25 years later, the angriest had roughly five times as much heart disease as the least angry ones. In another study, men who had the highest risk of later heart attacks were just the ones with more explosive voices, more irritation when forced to wait, and more outwardly directed anger.”

Revenge does not pay. It ultimately brings us more pain. It does nothing to improve our happiness and peace of mind. We suffer the original offense again and again when we give it attention and importance in our lives. Wanting to exact revenge only assures us of continued anger, frustration and disappointment in our lives.

In a paper published in the journal of Aggression and Violent Behavior, psychologists Tara Galovski and Edward Blanchard of the State University of New York at Albany wrote: “. . . the impact of anger, aggression, hostility, and related behaviors on society is enormous. Anger and aggression in the workplace, schools, on the streets, in airplanes, and on the roadways appear to be becoming increasingly commonplace.”

You only have to drive on the highway for a week to see how people try to teach each other lessons. Many people won’t let driving transgressions pass them by. They feel they have to hold all the guilty drivers accountable. So when someone makes a bad move driving, they lay on the horn, they tailgate, they yell, they wave wildly or they cut them off in return. This type of behavior is not only bad for their health, as the research confirms, it puts other people at risk. And their focus on revenge ratchets up the potential for harm for everyone around them.

Galovski and Blanchard took a particularly hard look in their paper at the deadly impact of road rage. “Research has shown that drivers who are currently experiencing major life stressors are five times more likely to cause fatal accidents than drivers who were relatively free from serious life stressors.”

In essence, when we center our lives on revenge, we burden the health and happiness of others and ourselves.

Revenge does not pay. It carries a great price.

David J. Pollay’s book, Beware of Garbage Trucks!™, is due out this Fall. Mr. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com). He is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ DVD, and an internationally sought after speaker. Mr. Pollay is the founder and president of the personal coaching and seminar organization, The Momentum Project (www.themomentumproject.com).

© 2008 David J. Pollay. Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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