David J.

Pollay

Read David's bio and previous columns

October 20, 2008

What Videos Are You Playing in Your Mind?

Events in our lives, and our interpretations of them, play like a continuous stream of short videos in our minds. The video projector is always running. Something is always playing on the screen. And many of these videos feature the trying times of our lives. There is often a video stored in our memories of almost everyone who has ever hurt, embarrassed, worried, insulted, frustrated, angered or disappointed us.

Florida State University psychology researcher Roy Baumeister and his colleagues, in their paper “Bad is Stronger than Good,” wrote: “The greater power of bad events over good ones is found in everyday events . . . Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good ones, and bad information is processed more thoroughly than good . . . Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones . . . Taken together, these findings suggest that bad is stronger than good, as a general principle across a broad range of psychological phenomena.”

So, here’s the challenge: The bad videos of our lives can start playing at the slightest suggestion or provocation. One moment we’re fine, the next moment we’re thinking about something bad that happened to us many years ago.

Reliving the past

And when our negative memories are invoked, we often indulge them. We look for new meaning. We contemplate them. We re-analyze what happened. And our bodies respond: We often feel the experience as if it were happening again. Our gut tightens, our breathing shallows and our body tenses. We then take on the mood of the original event.

Let me give you an example of this phenomenon. And we’ll start with a positive one. Consider for a moment a wonderful event in your life. Pause, close your eyes, and remember in as much detail as possible the time you proposed, your child was born, the day you graduated or any other highlight of your life. Take a minute to reflect on the event.

Now, how did that memory make you feel? What did you see? What did you smell? What did you taste? What was it like to re-connect with that memory? Did it make you smile, laugh or just feel good? It’s likely that your mind took you on a journey back to the original experience.  

Suffering the past

If only we were to savor the good memories more regularly, we would be happier. The challenge is that our mind tends to search for and focus on re-runs of the bad things in our past, versus the good. We suffer the consequences of the difficult times in our lives all over again.

And as we engage these memories as they pass through our consciousness – when we wake up, go to bed, experience stress, or even in the middle of a happy time – we strengthen them. We feel all over again the initial mood of disappointment, anxiety, and doubt. And by energizing these old memories with new thinking, we give them more importance in our lives.

Scientists Daniel Gilbert of Harvard, and Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania, each has reported that our memories are really just memories of the last memory of our experience. So, every time we recall an event in our lives, we are not going back to review the original footage. We are instead referencing our last recollection of the event.

How do you move beyond negative memories?

Next week I will guide you through a powerful way of letting these bad memories go. Our goal is to free ourselves of the bad events of our past and focus our attention and energy on what matters most to us now.

David J. Pollay’s book, Beware of Garbage Trucks!™, and his CD program, Gratitude Is Everything!™, are due out this Fall. Mr. Pollay is the creator of The Law of the Garbage Truck™ (www.bewareofgarbagetrucks.com). He is a syndicated columnist with the North Star Writers Group, creator and host of The Happiness Answer™ DVD, and an internationally sought after speaker. Mr. Pollay is the founder and president of the personal coaching and seminar organization, The Momentum Project (www.themomentumproject.com).

© 2008 David J. Pollay. Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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