Candace

Talmadge

Read Candace's bio and previous columns

December 12, 2008

Appreciation, Much Better Than Gratitude, Is the Holiday Rx This Year

What do we appreciate this holiday season?

Despite the unending gloom-and-doom hype – or perhaps precisely because of it – we would all benefit from hefty doses of appreciation, several times a day minimum. Appreciation is an effective antidote for the fear that grips so many of us in its downward, self-defeating spiral.

Notice that we speak of appreciation and not gratitude. There is a distinct difference between the former and the latter. Appreciation feels like a celebration, while an air of relief weighs down gratitude. Not many of us care to experience events that precipitate gratitude, provided we survive them. It is just those kinds of gratitude-inducing events that now have many of us on edge.

So let us be light and joyful at this time of the year and reflect on all that we might appreciate if we shift our focus and start paying attention.

Do we appreciate the love in our lives? All too often we take our loved ones for granted or, even worse, dump our frustrations and worries in their laps because it seems safe to do so. They deserve much better from us. We deserve much better from us, too.

How many relationships would improve if each of the parties involved made just a small effort to say “I love you” at least once a day? To say “thank you” every day to loved ones for small things – for just being who they are or for preparing an extra tasty dinner or for dropping the clothes off at the dry cleaner. It is amazing how big an impact a tiny dose of expressed appreciation can have.

Do we appreciate miracles? Many faiths deem this a season of miracles. Most of us might think we have never encountered a miracle, but we are walking miracles just as we are. Do we appreciate the eyes that show us gorgeous sunsets? The ears that allow us to hear a rousing rendition of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus or a cat’s quiet purr? Do we appreciate the miracles of smell and sensation? Imagine life without the scent of the rose or that first morning cup of coffee, or the touch of a lover’s hand. Bland and boring for sure.

Do we appreciate humor? Not that nasty variety that demeans others or makes fun of people’s misfortunes. Let us appreciate uplifting humor that revels in the shared absurdities of our human condition or rejoices in puns and wordplay. Humor is what differentiates people not from animals, because it’s becoming clearer that some animals do show a sense of humor, but from the inanimate. (If rocks giggle, they do so very quietly and never in front of human company.) So laugh it up and appreciate every chance to share a good joke and a smile.

In this time of belt-tightening, appreciation costs us nothing yet pays tremendous dividends. The more we feel and express it, the more we have in our lives to appreciate, and the more like a celebration our lives become.

Appreciation is not an exercise in denial. Bad things happen every day to many people and we can be fully aware of this and still feel appreciative. Think of it this way: Would we rather live in dread or in appreciation? Dread won’t stop or change tragedy one iota, while appreciation transforms our days in ways small and large.

Opting for appreciation over fear is probably the clearest decision we’ll ever have to make. 

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.

This is Column #CT131. Request permission to publish here.