Candace

Talmadge

Read Candace's bio and previous columns

October 20, 2008

It Ain’t Broke, So Don’t Fix Nebraska’s Safe-Haven Law

Nebraska’s unique, groundbreaking safe haven law has come under fire for accomplishing precisely what it was designed to do – keep children of any age safe from parents or guardians too overwhelmed to care responsibly for the young lives in their charge.

Naturally, there is talk already of trying to change it. That would be a huge mistake.

Instead, other states should take a good long look and then modify their own safe-haven laws to apply to children of any age, too. Otherwise what they offer in comparison are discriminatory half-measures that leave older children at risk. Why should newborns be the only class of minor child to receive this form of legal protection against injury or death?

Since the law went into effect in July, 18 children between the ages of one and 17 have been abandoned, according to the Associated Press. The law permits children as old as 18 to be left at state-licensed hospitals and also allows out-of-state parents or guardians to abandon children without reprisal, provided there is no other evidence of abuse or neglect.

Critics say that none of the relinquished children was in danger, but how do they know that for sure? It’s impossible to prove a negative. In other words, we cannot ever say with any certitude what might have happened to each of these 18 children had this law not provided a humane, sensible way out.

But we certainly can get an idea of what happens every day in states without the cornhusker version of a safe-haven law. Just do even a cursory review of all the heart-rending prosecutions across the country for child abuse and/or murder. Do we as a society really want to insist that parents or guardians inflict dire bodily harm on or even kill their offspring before we are willing to offer an alternative?

Nebraska’s safe-haven law clearly makes many people uncomfortable. Why is that? Could it be that this legislation tramples on our social taboos over speaking frankly about having children and the parent-child relationship? We assiduously promote a happy fantasy of parents always loving and nurturing their offspring, who are always supposed to be a blessing and a bundle of joy.

As the inimitable Ann Landers used to say, wake up and smell the coffee. Landers, in fact, conducted a poll on the topic of parenthood back in 1976, and 70 percent of the more than 10,000 readers who responded to her question said if they had it to do all over again, they would not have children. What an unholy stink that survey raised. Haw dare anyone disabuse us of our cherished denials!

Here are some hard truths about parenting. All the love in the world and even good intentions do not automatically equip a person to be a good parent. The job of parenting is simply not for everyone. And unfortunately some people do not realize this until they reproduce and then find themselves way in over their heads. All too often and with tragic consequences they take it out on their children.

At the same time, however, no one has the right or wisdom to make the decision about becoming a parent for another person. This Nebraska law imposes no mandates. It does not prevent any overwhelmed parent from opting not to give up a child and instead asking for help. The law simply leaves an escape route open to children of all ages.

As gut-wrenching as it can be for both sides, sometimes the best thing a parent can do for a child is to give up custody of that child. Instead of condemning these people for not wanting their failings to fall hard on their children, we might consider what it really means to love and want the best for a child.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.

This is Column #CT122. Request permission to publish here.