Cindy

Droog

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January 15, 2009

Most Popular Business Fantasies: You People Have Violent Minds!

By the title of this column, you might be thinking of what could be done with nylon stockings, neckties and a desk with tons of paperwork on top that can be swept aside in a moment of unbridled passion.

You might want to pick up a Danielle Steel novel. Or take a cold shower.

For this column, I’ve done a little research revealing what – truly – some people’s top business fantasies are. And sex had absolutely nothing to do with it.

The most popular, of course, is the Lottery Fantasy. And I’ll admit to having had this one myself. You might think it’s about waltzing into your boss’s office, screaming “I quit” and walking out of the door.

You’d be wrong.

In fact, the fantasy should be renamed the Freedom to Speak Truth Fantasy, for many of my research subjects simply said they’d like to have a fatter bank account so they could walk into the boss’s boss’s boss’s office and tell him or her the truth. And, as one friend of mine put it, “I could even start the conversation with, ‘I’m happy to pack my office up in a box if you don’t like what I have to say.’”

I laughed. But in reality, it’s kind of sad to me. Sad that not many people feel free to speak the truth in their organizations. Sad that “open door policy” has an asterisk beside it, followed by, “at your own risk.” In the words of a former boss of mine, “Your head will be cut off if you go above his.”

No wonder the Freedom Fantasy is so rampant. Decapitation is scary. The corporate guillotine is a powerful threat, no matter what the economy is like.

Yet all people want is time to be heard and, possibly, taken seriously. And these aren’t people with mundane complaints about bad cafeteria food or the state, size and structure of their cubicles. These are smart people with real issues that impact team morale, cost the company unnecessary profits or do other types of certain and unjustifiable harm.

But don’t tell anybody. There are proper channels for these discussions.

Yeah, there were “proper channels” for alleged witches in Salem to appeal their cases, too. Only problem was they were hanged before they even got to the paperwork.

The second fantasy that came to bear is the Senility Fantasy. It was put very eloquently by a former co-worker of mine, who said, “I dream that when I’m retired, and I don’t need the money anymore, I can go up to the CEO at Company XYZ and knock him in the face on behalf of all of his former and current employees. And then, I can just say it’s because I’m old and senile. They’d never prosecute a little old lady, right?”

Probably not. It costs more to hire the lawyer than to get the CEO plastic surgery.

What’s scary about this is that violence – although jokingly – played a role in several people’s business fantasies. Nothing serious. No shootings. No weapons of mass destruction. But a kick here? A punch there? Sadly, yes.

I’m not sure what that says about our society, or maybe about my circle of friends, but as for me, I’m a peace-loving soul and can honestly say I’ve never fantasized about physically harming someone.

Speaking my mind? Yes. Writing an anonymous letter? Hell yes. Sending someone to the ER? No.

But hospitals can be involved in non-violent business fantasies, like in this one: When I asked a friend of mine what her business fantasy was, she said: “Funny you should ask. I just had this great dream again last night. I was on the operating table getting my spine put back in!”

She doesn’t remember how it got removed in the first place, only who did it to her. She’s very careful around him. Because he owns a guillotine too.

© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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