August 5, 2009

Cash for Clunkers? Why Stop There? Cash for Everything!

Let's get real. The "Cash for Clunkers" program is not a new idea. And it's really minor by comparison. After all, we've printed and spent hundreds of billions, at least, in financial stimulus money. We should call that "Cash for Bankers".

Those who criticize this latest version, which offers thousands to those who want to trade their, uh, vintage gas guzzler for something more fuel efficient, complain it gives just one industry an advantage over so many others in dire straits. It's not just one that's in the toilet. So what about subsidizing new water-efficient toilets (Cash for Plumbers)?

There are so many possibilities. Want to trade in that old mattress? How about a "Cash for Bunkers" subsidy? Need a new suitcase? "Cash for Trunkers".

And if you would want to see real pent-up demand, how about financial help for divorce? In this economy it is so hard to split up when there's so little left to split. How about some assistance for those who want to trade in their decrepit spouses for a new model? That would also be "Cash for Clunkers".

Let's face it – some of these ideas might be a teeny bit too innovative for some of the timid among you. So let's confine the discussion to the current program, aimed at bailing out auto companies, including the two that have already gone bankrupt. It's also a shot in the arm for the dealers – at least the ones remaining after GM and Chrysler rewarded decades of loyalty by abandoning the others.

When we debate the merits of this, let us not ignore the ripple effects. Conservatives like to call this "Trickle Down". It might not be a fiction this time.

All these traded in "clunkers" cannot be turned around as "pre-owned" the way they usually are. No, they must be disabled and turned into scrap. In effect, we have a "Cash for Junkers" program. All of which goes to show that the best ideas are not new, they're simply recycled.