July 1, 2009

Experts on Marriages of the Famous? They Know Nothing!

 

Am I the only one who believes that all the experts who comment on the dynamics of unfaithful politicians and their marriages have no earthly idea what they're talking about?

Am I the only one who believes that those "experts" who get great publicity by discussing the reasons successful officeholders mess around, and analyzing the prospects of family reconciliation, are merely blowing smoke and trying to improve business?

How can they have any earthly way of knowing, since the possible explanations are infinite, or at least as numerous as every marriage, to say nothing of the individuals who join in these unions and then rip them apart?

The key word here is "individual." We each bring a single combination of characteristics and experiences to the family table – from infancy to the wedding day and beyond. That combination of strengths and vulnerabilities, to say nothing of timing, causes a couple to interlock and to untangle – for their own unique reasons.

Even those who are close to a family have little idea what goes on behind closed doors. Intimacy can only be understood by those involved. For better or worse. The public face is always misleading. For better or worse.

Sometimes things work. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they last even though they don't work for reasons that only those involved can define.

This is not to say that counseling individual couples isn't useful. It can be, by applying broad-stroke principles of communication, sexual advice and moral traditions to a particular marriage.

Still, no one could possibly have much insight, particularly from a distance, about the causes behind any given scandal and whether the marital debris can be swept up into a whole package again.

Another favorite is the "Why Do Famous Men Stray?" stories. How dopey are they? First of all, they are no different than anyone else. They take their pants off just like the rest of us.

Men (and women) stray, whether they're famous or not, because they're unfulfilled, unloved, careless, mistreated, immature, bored, have low self-esteem, have too-high self-esteem, are selfish, stupid . . . have I left out any of the clichés?

Can they change their ways and be committed and trustworthy again? Of course. Maybe, maybe not. You gotta be kidding. All of the above. None. Who knows? Should they be given a chance? Depends.
 
Is it worth a special report each time someone gets caught hiking Argentina's Appalachian Trail? Certainly not, but we always see and read them. 

Fundamentally, it's all none of our business. Having said that, I wish to make myself available to any TV show that wants me to comment on the Sanford marriage, or whatever marriage is the latest one to publicly get flushed in plain view. What the hell, I know as much about the subject as anyone else. Which is to say, nothing.