|  Bob Batz Read Bob's bio and previous columns
August 28, 2009
Dear Diary
Dear Diary:
A friend of mine tells me lots of people are wearing those camouflage shirts
and pants and hats these days. I haven’t noticed them.
Dear Diary:
Why do radio and TV weather reporters constantly tell us what the
temperature is at the airport? Nobody lives at the airport!
Dear Diary:
Judging by the number of homemade signs I’m seeing in people’s yards, the
only two things that are free in America these days are topsoil and kittens,
but the two are not interchangeable. Unless, of course, you want to
build a driveway that meows and eats mice.
Dear Diary:
Spotted this sign outside an insurance agency awhile back: “Eat well. Stay
fit. Still die.”
Dear Diary:
I bought a package of chocolate-covered ice cream bars at the grocery the
other day and the instructions on the package said “KEEP FROZEN.” Duh!
Dear Diary:
Despite today’s high prices, we can still buy everything we used to buy.
Except now we can’t pay for it.
Dear Diary:
The next time I go to the supermarket and Kenny, my favorite grocery bagger,
asks “paper or plastic?” I’m going to say “metal” just to see the look on
his face.
Dear Diary:
I have a plan to add an eighth day to the week. I’ve even come up with some
possible names for that extra day. Maybe we could call it “Do-Day” because
the extra day would give us a chance to do all the things we don’t get done
the other seven days.
Dear Diary:
I was at a local tavern the other night and I met a man who was wearing a
t-shirt with the message “I’ll have what the guy on the floor is having.”
Contact Bob at
bbatz@woh.rr.com
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