Bob

Batz

Read Bob's bio and previous columns

July 31, 2009

I’m Rich!

I think it was Dr. Seuss who said “There and here/here and there/funny things/are everywhere.”

He was right.

Last week, my wife Sally and I received two checks in the mail.

Normally, that’s a good reason to celebrate. But in this case it wasn’t time to dig out the party hats and noisemakers.

What it was, though, was two more examples of the financial goofiness that seems to be sweeping the entire country these days.

I say that because the first check, which arrived on a Tuesday, was for 18 cents. The second one, which landed in our mailbox two days later, also was for 18 cents.

They were, according to notations on the envelopes, rebates from an insurance company.

After the checks arrived, I asked Sally, “Well, how to you want to spend our unexpected windfall? Maybe we could take a spring vacation to Florida. Or buy that BMW I’ve always wanted. Or. . .”

“Be serious,” she said, interrupting my train of thought. “Look. The postage cost more than the two checks combined.”

I stood up.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m getting my coat so we can go to the bank to cash the checks and then we’ll hit some stores to spend our green . . . our bucks . . . our moolah!” I replied.

Sally shook her head. “Think about it,” she said. “We have 36 cents. What can we buy with 36 cents?”

I thought, then I said “How about three 12-cent items? Or, hey, maybe four 9-cent items?”

Sally shook her head. “Be serious for once in your life. The truth is, these two checks are as useless as wings on an elephant and you know it.”

That was the first time I’d heard the “wings on an elephant” line in a long, long time and I chuckled about it as I drove to the bank to collect our windfall.

Five minutes later I was headed for home with three dimes, a nickel and a penny tucked safely away in my pocket.

Now all we have to do is decide how to spend it.

Contact Bob at bbatz@woh.rr.com   

© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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