Bob

Batz

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June 5, 2009

The Indignities Imposed Upon Our Canine Friends Must End!

I’ve never understood why so many people are determined to teach their dogs to do so-called tricks.

Why should dogs be expected to do tricks? Can’t a dog just be a dog without having to run after sticks and balls or sit up every time its owner dangles a dog biscuit over its head?

Dogs are forced to endure all kinds of indignities.

“Fetch!” a dog-owner shouts, tossing a stick into the yard.

And the dog, faithful as it is, goes after the stick and brings it back to the owner.

Big deal! What’s so great about a dog being able to fetch a stick? If you were a dog, would you like to go fetching sticks all the time? Well, would you?

If dogs could talk, I suspect a good many of them would say “Hey, pal, I don’t wanna go get your %&%#$ stick.”

The same thing applies to dog owners who make their pets “speak” before they feed them.

Why should a dog have to “speak?” If God wanted dogs to speak He would have taught them how to say more than just “Woof! Woof!”

Wouldn’t it be great if somebody told a dog to “speak” and the dog complied by reciting Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?

“Playing dead” is another dumb trick we humans ask our dogs to do.

“Play dead, Rover,” we say and Rover rolls over on his back and looks for all the world as if he has just kicked the proverbial bucket.

What’s the point?

I maintain dogs don’t enjoy doing tricks. The average dog, I believe, would rather do his or her own thing.

Oh, sure, some dogs do what their owners ask them to do, but I don’t think they actually enjoy it.

Dogs are said to be “Man’s Best Friend” which in itself is sexist because can’t a dog also be “Woman’s Best Friend,” or is there some kind of law against it? And, if a dog is truly anybody’s best friend, why should the animal have to prove it by doing stupid tricks?

We force our dogs to suffer other indignities, too.

How come couples give their children neat names like Joseph and Rebecca and David but when it comes time for those same couples to name their dogs, simple names are never good enough?

How would you like to be named “Spot” or Duke” or “Cuddles” or “Fang?” Not much, I'll bet.

I can see it now. There’s a big testimonial dinner and someone is introducing the speaker for the evening – a local bank president – and the emcee says “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to meet the president of the National Bank and Trust Co. Mr. Wags Thompson.”

When I was young, I had a friend whose father had a little dog (it was a rat terrier, whatever a rat terrier is) and the dog could do many, many tricks.

He could speak, fetch, play dead, roll over, sit up and balance a rubber ball on his nose.

The dog’s owner even taught his pet how to play poker, but the dog turned out to be a lousy card player because every time he got a good hand he wagged his tail.  

Contact Bob at bbatz@woh.rr.com

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