Bob

Batz

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March 6, 2009

Rules for Naming Your Dog (Oh Yes, There are Rules)

I read the other day that the American Kennel Club has put out a list of rules for naming new puppies.

I never realized there were rules for naming puppies. I thought you just, well, named a puppy.

It seems like a simple process, actually. You bring a new dog home, you play with that dog for awhile and then you give that dog a name.

When I was a kid I had five dogs and I never needed any help naming any of them. We called one Jeep (World War II was still a recent memory) and another was named Skippy.

My wife Sally and I have this special knack, see. All we have to do is take one look at a new dog and usually an appropriate name pops into our heads. We’ve had pooches named Kelly and Madonna and now there’s Matilda.

Actually, naming a dog isn’t brain surgery. The rules are relatively simple. If it’s a female dog, don’t call her Ron or Doug. If, on the other hand, the pooch is a male, names like Fluffy and Gwendolyn are pretty much out.

Our current dog is a malti-poo who as near as we can tell has more poo than malti in her and we bought her after Madonna, our pet for 10 years, passed away.

Madonna weighed 86 pounds. The new dog tips the scales at six pounds. Soaking wet.

According to the folks at the American Kennel Club, owners of a new dog should observe their pet for a few days and see if the dog’s personality suggests a name. After we did that, I said “How about naming her Wets on the Floor because that’s all she has done since we brought her home.”

“Be serious,” Sally replied.

Other American Kennel Club tips to new pooch-owners include:

·         Easy and recognizable names work best in getting your dog to be responsive.

·         Avoid names that sound like commands because names like “Joe” sound like “No” when said out loud.

·         Don’t name your dog after a friend or family member without first getting their permission.

·         Test out a name you are thinking about giving your dog because any name you give the dog will be a 10-to-15-year commitment.

·         After you choose a name for your dog, make sure you use that name often so the dog will learn it more quickly.

According to the American Kennel Club, the 10 most popular names for dogs in the U.S. include “Bear,” “Lady”, “Blue”, “Max” and “Daisy.”

When trying to come up with a name for our new pet, I tossed a rubber ball to the dog and said “Fetch.”

The dog totally ignored the ball.

Then I took a dog treat from the cupboard, held it above the puppy’s head and said  “Sit.” The dog responded by lying down.

“I think I’ve got a name for our dog,” I told Sally.

“What is it?” she asked.

“Based on her obvious inability to do anything dog-like, how about “Stupid,” I said.

Sally just shook her head.

Five hours later, we were still trying to come up with a name for our new pooch. Sally ruled out all of my suggestions, which included Attila and Fang. I shrugged off all of her offerings that included Princess and Precious.

Then, just when we needed her most, our oldest daughter Laurie arrived at the house, took one look at the dog and said “She looks like a ‘Matilda’ to me” and all of a sudden our dog had a name.

Contact Bob at bbatz@who.rr.com

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