Bob

Batz

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February 20, 2009

Bob the Mechanic? Yeah, Maybe Not

I’m not mechanically inclined.

I know guys who can repair cars, build garages and overhaul computers.

I tried to fix my own car. Once. Last Thursday.

My decision to tackle auto repairs for the first time came when my vehicle’s engine began making strange sounds that included whirs, bangs, squeaks and rattles.

The first thing I did was dig out my rusty old tool chest that was buried under my first wife Sally’s 456,787-or-so assorted Christmas decorations in a dark, dusty corner of the basement.

Then, after donning a five-sizes-too-large-for-me pair of coveralls I found in that same dark corner, I climbed the stairs. When I reached the garage, I raised the hood of my car and peered inside.

Standing there looking down into the engine compartment, I was dumbfounded.

I’d never seen so many wires . . . and screws and bolts . . . and little metal and plastic, um, doohickies, in my whole life.

All of a sudden I gained tremendous respect for all those auto mechanics named Red and Mack and Butch (lots of auto mechanics are named Red and Mack and Butch) who over the years have fiddled around with my car engines and somehow made them purr again like proverbial kittens.

Then, just as I was about to bend over and enter the mysterious world of wires, screws and bolts and little metal and plastic doohickies, it dawned on me that I should probably take a peek at my owner’s manual in hopes it would offer me some valuable tips on repairing my car before I actually tackled the task of doing it.

So I extracted myself from beneath the hood, banging my head in the process, opened the driver’s door and reached across the seat to grab my owner’s manual.

Like most car owners, I keep my manual in the glove box, which is another mysterious thing about the automobile.

People call those compartments “glove boxes,” but the truth is very few car-owners actually store their gloves in those glove boxes.

They do, however, keep other items in those glove boxes, including pencils, pens, prescription medications, maps, can openers, notebooks, screwdrivers, sunglasses, napkins, flashlights and losing scratch-off lottery tickets.

© 2009 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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