Bob

Batz

Read Bob's bio and previous columns

September 22, 2008

Opportunity of a Lifetime!

I get a kick out of the “Employment Opportunities” classified advertisements that appear every day in newspapers all over America. They all sound so darned promising.

“Career opportunity of a lifetime!” one such ad screams.

“Earn big bucks and job security,” another promises.

Just for the fun of it, let’s take a closer look at these come-ons by doing some “reading between the lines,” as they say.

For example, published come-ons aimed at secretaries seeking new jobs often feature the phrase “One-girl office”. What that really means is if you get the job, plan on missing coffee breaks and working late most nights because you’ll be the only one around to answer the phones, empty the wastebaskets, get the boss coffee and open the mail.

Here are more come-ons . . .

“Excellent fringe benefits.” They should be considering the pay is only $1.25 an hour.

“Profit sharing.” Yup. Loss sharing, too, which means, given the current financial state of the company, you should break even. Almost.

“Chance of a lifetime!” The work will kill ya!

“Growth potential.” With any luck at all, the company should be able to move out of the mobile home it currently occupies in 15, maybe 20 years.”

“Company car provided.” But you have to buy the gasoline and oil and pay for all repairs needed on this 1943 DeSoto, a Rent-a-Wreck reject.

“No door-to-door selling.” Your territory will consist of the eastern half of the Sahara Desert.

“Lots of travel.” You’ll be driving back and forth between Ohio and Indiana at least 17 times a day in that ancient DeSoto.

“Previous experience not required.” We’ve trained plenty of flunkies before and they didn’t earn a dime, either.”

“$1,500 weekly possible the first year.” $1,200 monthly likely.

“Be your own boss.” Nobody connected with this flaky firm has the courage to take charge of the operation.

“Pleasant personality a must.” Because when you meet the weirdos you’ll be working with, you’ll need it.”

And, last but not least, “Established local firm.” Right on, brother. It was established last Thursday.

Contact Bob at bbatz@woh.rr.com

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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