The
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March 25, 2009
The Leaf-Roasting
Secrets of Making Kale Edible
Here is a secret the world’s great chefs share among themselves when no
one is looking: Becoming a great cook is less about knowing how flavors
interact than it is in knowing how to communicate.
You can see this, usually late at night when it is dark and the great
chefs are left alone in their kitchens. If you sneaky-sneak into the
place without being seen or heard, what you discover are men and women
whispering sweet words to the ingredients in their kitchens. They know
that, at the end of the day, the secret to a good relationship is built
on a foundation of trust, which itself is based on knowing how to
communicate.
One of the most preening, yet rewarding, foods is kale. Most people who
look at kale see it as a green leafy thing. The leaves are tough, and
unlike other greens, it defies you to put it into a salad. You can chew
and chew and chew and never manage to break the leaf down. You can use
hammer and chisel and no more than dent its surface. You can drill and
watch your diamond-tipped bit shatter to dust.
For years, decades, even centuries, this defied man’s ability to eat. It
was long known that kale is a healthy food, but it was not known how to
unlock those qualities of edibility. The world’s community of culinary
experts tried all manner of innovative ways to communicate with it. An
entire army of professional yes men were brought in. They failed, and
the survivors added to humanity’s lexicon the word “misanthrope.”
Professional empaths were made to weep and cry mercy. A bishop, on the
fast track to sainthood, was converted to a nihilist by kale’s stern
exterior.
What finally succeeded started with kale leaves, a bowl and a small
amount of olive oil. Today, we know how this process works, and it
begins by massaging the leaves with the olive oil. This is the
non-verbal food equivalent of a shoulder massage. It is saying to the
kale, “You are home now. Hang up your hat and relax. Here is a massage,
a cold drink and a stuffed pipe. Dinner will be in 10 minutes.” What you
aren’t telling kale, of course, is that kale itself will be dinner.
While kale isn’t looking, preheat your oven to 375 degrees. How to
accomplish this? Kale, though a difficult green to finesse, is
particularly slow witted. It always fall for the “Hey, what’s that?”
trick. After the oven is on, dust over the oiled kale some salt and
pepper.
Lay kale on a cookie sheet and place into the oven. After about five
minutes, flip kale over. You may hear a crackling sound while standing
next to the oven.
If
you are looking for the proper word for this, it is roasting. You are
roasting a leaf. Contemplate this for perhaps another five minutes and
then remove kale from the oven.
It
should be crispy. More than that, it will be edible.
© 2009
North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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