May 17, 2006

Residents of Boulder, Colorado, can now finally know they are safe. In the midst of apparent waves of intolerance, the Boulder City Council rode in on its white horse, fought its way through the barriers of oppression, and is well on its way to eliminating offensive behavior among the city’s populace. By establishing a “hate hotline,” the city council plans on tackling, effectively and once and for all, homophobia, racism, sexism and every other “ism” the Left has managed to unearth over the years.

The hate hotline idea originated from a discussion of bias-related crimes that followed an incident involving a physical assault by Hispanic Phillip Martinez on African-American Andrew Sterling this past summer. Though the perpetrator was sentenced to 16 years in prison, the jury, after careful examination of the case, dropped charges of ethnic intimidation. But to the politically correct community, facts don’t matter. A black man was beaten up – once, and by a drunken man – but by God, racism in Boulder is akin to that of an 18^th-Century southern plantation.

Oh, wait – the Hispanic guy was from Lafayette, not Boulder. OK, make that Colorado. Colorado is a racist place.

Unfortunately for racist Colorado, this heroic city council’s authority is limited to Boulder. But they’re doing what they can. The idea is that the $16,000 hotline would help quantify and clarify incidents of hate, leading to a better understanding of the types of intolerance plaguing the community.

Once this doubtlessly statistically valid data is on file, the city council can then, um, fix the problem. Further, it would give residents a place to report intolerance, thereby making them feel better, and, in the words of a councilwoman, possibly avoid dangers. Brilliant. Why hasn’t the rest of the world thought of this before?

In fact, the only problem with this hotline is that it came too late. If only Sterling, the victim who was emotionally oppressed by Martinez (in addition to a few broken bones), had access to that precious resource, he would certainly still be in one piece today. Just imagine:

Concerned City Employee (CCE): “Hello, Boulder City Hate Hotline, how may I help you today?”

Sterling: “I’m being chased by a man! He’s Hispanic, and I’m black! I think it may be a… a bias-related incident waiting to happen!”

CCE: “Thank you, Sir. I will contact Professor Ward Churchill over at CU to initiate a study on black-Hispanic relations in Colorado momentarily. We will then find a solution to stop drunken Latinos from chasing you and your brothas.”

Sterling: “Oh thank God, you are a life-saver!”

But enough with the jokes. We face a real problem with a politically correct, multiculturalist, oversensitive elite in this country, and they are powerful. A few weeks ago at Cornell University, a white student stabbed a black man, seriously wounding him. Immediately thereafter, calls arose about institutional racism being alive and well at Cornell, and demands were made to establish courses dealing with tolerance and diversity.

Interestingly, it turned out that the stabber was an active member of leftist organizations who normally advocate such politically correct causes. At first, this revelation resulted in a collective “oh… huh” on the part of the community. But of course, logic was not going to ruin the moment. Instead of considering the stabbing as an isolated incident resultant from drunken and immature behavior, the conclusion was that not only is Cornell an institutionally racist place, but that this institutional racism was so pervasive that it has even gotten to the Left’s own.

The Boulder City Council’s actions demonstrate that such irrationality has extended beyond institutions of higher learning to what we would consider the real world. They further reinforce the false idea of the rampancy of racism and other biases in America, which only serves to exacerbate these problems.

The hotline is described as one that would serve as a resource for those who are offended or harassed by others. Does that mean that “little people” will call in for being labeled “midgets” as opposed to “vertically challenged”? Will every use of the N-word be reported, leading to 800 calls a minute from black neighborhoods? Will every woman be expected to report an unwelcome comment, or every gay man a reference to his sexuality?

These are the types of complaints that will occupy those manning the hotline in Boulder. Anything more serious, whether a threat or an attack, would naturally be reported to the police. Nothing will be, or can be, done to eliminate and rectify speech that offends someone, somewhere – this is a normal part of human life. No law will eliminate sexual comments toward women or the occasional racist slur against a person of any race.

All the hotline does is promote pessimism about race relations and undermine the major progress this country has made in its enormous diminution of racism and related violence. And importantly, it gives citizens yet another area in which they give up individual responsibility and replace it with increased reliance on the government.

There is not much one can do but sit back and enjoy as the Boulder City Council’s worldview collapses with time. Until then, just in case you were still wondering, the next time you are chased by an armed Latino, it still might be a safer bet to call 911.