North Star Writers Group

The Renaissance, as most of us know, changed things. It had to. It took up a whole era. One of the movers and shakers of the Renaissance was an Italian called the Count Baldassare Castiglione. Published in 1528, his most influential book, called Il Cortegiano, or The Courtier, stated that since only a small few are born with natural grace, the rest must learn to fake it.

“The most general rule… is to eschew as much as a man may, and as a sharp and dangerous rock, affectation or curiosity, and, to speak a new word, to use in everything a certain Sprezzatura, to cover art withal, and seem whatsoever he doth and sayeth to do it without pain, and, as it were, not minding it” (affectation, meaning “extremely fastidious,” and art, meaning “artifice”).

His “new word,” Sprezzatura, is the one in which I am most interested. I like to think of it as the true “birth of cool.”

Today, like any other time in history, there are men who are naturally cool. Lebron James – young, basketball superstar, cool; Anthony Hopkins – old, Oscar-winning actor, cool; Donald Trump – worth billions and has a hit TV show, couldn’t be uncool if he tried. There are certain things that will always be attached to cool.

But for the rest of us men, we have to think of elaborate and/or creative costumes to wear on Halloween.

I mention this with a considerable degree of bitterness, primarily because, since the age of about 11, when I was apparently no longer cute enough to justify begging door-to-door, I hated wearing costumes. To me, it seemed like the least cool thing someone could possibly conjure – looking intentionally ridiculous. Perhaps the willingness to look like an idiot displays a certain degree of self-confidence, and thus, coolness. But to me, anyone willing to drape himself in spandex and call himself Scuba Steve is not nearly as confident as he is misled.

To the ladies feeling left out, everyone knows, all that is required of you is to throw on giant rabbit ears, a ball of cotton around back and some lingerie. You’ll be the coolest chick at the party.

But when did our society become so brainwashed? Costumes are not cool. They are childish and should be worn accordingly, not to college parties, work parties or any other gathering featuring competitive, creative foolishness.

Children are the only people who inherently enjoy wearing costumes.

First, they aren’t yet what some might call smart. Some of them actually believe they might trick their neighbor into thinking they are a giant, sagging pumpkin with arms and legs. Halloween is their one annual chance to prowl around (before dark), incognito.

Second, kids have an underdeveloped sense of embarrassment. Unlike grownups, who always assume laughter is at them, kids will always assume it is with them, and in good fun. Although they could not be more wrong, perhaps that is what makes them so endearing. For kids, all giggling is good giggling.

And third, unlike anyone over the age of seven (soon the cutoff will be six), some kids really are cute. They knock on your door dressed as mini-superheroes or Disney princesses and all you want to do is stuff candy in their pillow cases because it just might make them smile a little longer. Not even a politician like Phil Angelides could deny the cuteness, and I’m not sure he’s human.

Which brings me to my last point. I think Halloween is similar to the Internet. For one, it was probably invented by a politician (Al Gore), and like the Internet, Halloween was contrived with good intentions. Who could question trick-or-treating? But unfortunately, those who were around for its birth quickly developed a strong awareness of its evil capabilities. By 2006, Halloween has woken up and found itself characterized by poorly written, inexplicably popular horror flicks, yet another opportunity for women to dress sleazily for strangers, and confused men who don’t realize that, when wearing outfits based on bad puns or characters from movies written for impressionable college students, one ought to feel embarrassed, not cool.

Whoever arbitrarily decided it was cool for grownups to act like children, I have a fruit cake in my fridge and I’d love to send it to you for Christmas. But more importantly, we all have brains, and we all ought to know that cool cannot be faked. When it comes to being cool, most of us just aren’t. Castiglione obviously wasn’t either, and that’s probably why he decided to outwit the rest of us into thinking he was.

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This is Column # NS28. Request permission to publish here.