North Star Writers Group

Most sports enthusiasts believe David Beckham’s arrival to the MLS has the potential to substantially increase the ever-sagging popularity of soccer in the U.S. My guess is the only real effect it will have is an exponential increase in Google searches for Posh Spice. I don’t think soccer will ever contend with any of the Big Three, at least not in our lifetimes. America is not exactly renowned for conforming.

Meantime, we’ve all just witnessed the tying of what many consider the greatest individual record in sports. And since both these events have received media attention rivaling what was given to the invasion of Iraq, I thought I’d take a moment to consider baseball and soccer – the sport of America, and the sport of everyone else.

The complaint I’ve heard most frequently about baseball is that it is boring, or slow. Oddly enough, this seems to be the gripe most Americans have with soccer.

Well, which is it? We can’t both be right.

The biggest problem with Major League Baseball is that there are too many regular season games. We all prefer plots with distinct direction, and a 162-game season doesn’t exactly keep the foot on the accelerator.

But baseball is not intrinsically boring. It is wonderful to dissect, pitch by pitch, player by player. So much goes on during every inning, every swing of the bat, every pitch, that one truly is ignorant to write off the entire sport as mundane. Attention is all it takes to get sucked into this wonderful game of details.

It is also a game of unparalleled athleticism. Some people look at a guy like John Kruk and ask how in the world can he be a professional athlete? The guy wouldn’t know a treadmill from a laryngoscope.

There are two ways to look at this strange phenomenon: A.) It must be a dumb sport if it can accommodate a fat guy, or B.) What could this person possibly possess that thousands of minor leaguers with normal cholesterol levels don’t? If you chose A, my guess is you have serious issues with physical prejudice.

There are two huge problems with soccer – ties and draws. For whatever reason, the possibility of finishing a game with the same number on both sides of the scorecard is as reasonable as Socrates to your average soccer enthusiast. But seriously, if someone isn’t going to come out on top at the end of every game, match, or whatever you prefer to call it, then what could the point possibly be? Are we supposed to say, “Clearly, we played at the exact same level today, so let’s shake hands and go home?” It mocks every competitive bone in our human frames. What are we, communists?

But aside from this, soccer is a wonderful game. While baseball accentuates the amazing physical possibilities of the most complex and versatile part of the human body – the hand – soccer accentuates the physical possibilities of everything else. The ability of professional soccer players to control the ball with their bodies is nothing short of mind-blowing. It is as if they had extra hands and fingers all over. Put 11 of these freaks on a field, tell them to work together and the result is a grace-filled, seamless illustration of the utter beauty of physical humanity. Take a moment and watch some of the greatest soccer goals on Youtube and you’ll gain a better understanding of what I mean. In terms of portraying the outstanding potential of the entire human body, I think soccer is in a class of its own.

So why won’t Americans embrace soccer the way the rest of the world has?

First, in a nation where capitalism’s foothold is so strong, it’s safe to say that we seriously prefer games that consistently recognize winners and losers.

But I think the main reason is that, like anyone, we hate change. Baseball really is America’s game. It’s been a mainstay for a huge portion of our country’s short history, and while soccer can momentarily grab our attention, it is not a part of us. I think that for most Americans, soccer is like a friend who comes around occasionally for enjoyable visits. But baseball is always there, welcoming us back, giving us a meaningful break from life’s difficulties. Soccer could vanish from our lives and most of us would continue along without so much as a double-take. But if baseball left, part of us would go with it. For some reason, baseball means something more to Americans. For some reason, baseball is part of the family.

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