North Star Writers Group

At least most of us are aware that extending the phrase “Merry Christmas” to a stranger while passing by is downright presumptuous. One might as well shout out “I merrily acknowledge your presence under the audacious assumption that we uphold the same religious doctrines,” and perhaps one would do just that if it were easier to finish the phrase without beginning it from a considerable distance.

The truth is, there is nothing more defeating than to be arbitrarily reminded of a holiday you don’t celebrate. Unfortunately, not everyone realizes this. To those of us who simply choose not to celebrate the 25^th of December, having those two unrelenting words hurled at us a thousand times a day is like a cold, wintery slap in the face.

I can’t help but wonder how the perpetrators of this trend would respond if they were confronted with the phrase, “Happy Saint Patrick’s Day,” every time some random day in March rolled around. It would be pretty scathing.

It is getting harder and harder to comprehend that, even in the closing days of a year attached to such a large number as 2006 AD (and I promise I will get to the bottom of those two mysterious letters), there is still such a substantial cultural remnant that throws around religious cliches without giving cultural sensitivity a second thought. Freedom of religion, yes. Freedom of speech, granted. But what about freedom to roam the streets without getting bombarded with such a haggard excuse to be “merry”?

Do you know what would make me merry? Some peace and quiet.

One hates to be an unreformed Scrooge, but then again, one doesn’t often get visited by ghosts in the middle of the night, either.

The fact is, it wasn’t until someone told me that the Easter bunny had practically nothing to do with the history of Easter that I realized the religious roots of this country go impressively deep. To enlighten the entire population will be quite the uphill struggle.

And yet, it is a noble struggle.

Imagine a world in which one could enjoy a promenade in the crisp December air without even the slightest worry of being attacked with irrelevant excuses to be merry.

Imagine a world in which one could make one’s purchases at a retailer of their choice with every confidence that religion would not be tagged onto the end of the transaction.

Talk about a seasonal discount.

Imagine a world in which the only publicly acknowledged holidays were based on fantastic, made-up characters, with histories no older than a decade. We could conjure up new ones every 10 years.

Imagine a world that contained no possibility of being offended by the mere mention of someone else’s beliefs, because no beliefs existed that were not based on completely neutral objects such as margarine, or toasters.

We may be a long way off, but as long as the idea lives on in one person’s heart, hope will as well.

The next time a naysayer tells you “Merry Christmas,” remember: As strong as your desire is to inflict pain on the offender, maintain your cool and respond by saying, “I’m sorry. I don’t share your belief system, and would appreciate it if you didn’t impose yours upon me. It is not as though I don’t respect your ideas. I simply would prefer not to be reminded of them.” Some may respond favorably, and others may not. But bear in mind, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and based upon the little I understand or care about American history, neither was our greatest architectural achievement, the HOLLYWOOD Sign.

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This is Column # NS35. Request permission to publish here.