March 5, 2007

Help! I’m Hooked! Oh, a New Private Message . . .

MySpace.com is so passe. While we could engage in an educated debate about this subject, I am convinced that the popularity of t-shirts that read “You looked better on MySpace” among middle school students is all the evidence necessary.

I scoffed at the website and the cultural phenomena it represents, including, but not limited to, upper middle class teenagers who have nothing better to do but wear poorly applied eye makeup and write poems about death, child molesters, etc.

Conversely, I was quite attracted to Facebook.com. It started out as a website connecting Ivy League schools, but was then extended to public universities and then it went public. It’s a great tool for keeping in touch with people you don’t actually want to talk to. You can ‘Poke’ them or send them messages. There is also the NewsFeed which reports who is in a relationship with whom, what event they are planning to attend or what they wrote to someone else.

Creepy? Nah. It’s great to see your high school rival’s picture and smirk because she turned into a manatee or meet people through the various groups.

But things can get ugly, and this week they did.

I am now addicted to Facebook. I’ve checked it 16 times today, joined seven groups, written eight messages and spent at least four hours looking at other people’s profiles and pictures. Which is all fine and well, but when your work performance begins to suffer because you are trying to determine whether to join the “’Happy Feet’ makes me want to own my own Latino penguin” group or “I missed out on middle school dating because I couldn’t fold notes” group first, intervention is necessary.

I’m not quite sure how to go about it, but one thing is certain: God Bless America.

As the Washington Post reported recently, young Internet addicts in China are being sent to special rehab facilities. While it’s encouraging to hear that a country with a poor record of providing social services is extending a hand to a relatively new group, don’t get your hopes up.

Yes, they’re doing it, but they’re doing it Chinese style.

Locked in a room with barred windows for most of the day? Check. Therapy? Check. Drugs? Check. Military discipline? Check. Hypnosis and electrical shocks are also on the menu.

Treatments many Americans condone – for child molesters. There may be some overlap, but with that pesky ‘innocent until proven guilty’ stuff in the way, I doubt that it will become a trend in this country.

If you too are, or someone you know is, missing out on life by staring at the computer screen (no, your job does not count), the first step should be the test that determines how bad your problem is. It is available on www.netaddiction.com.

That’s right, the test about Internet addiction is only available on the Internet.

Most importantly, dealing with Internet addiction requires vigilance and self-discipline. Involving another person in the process to help you monitor your progress . . . wait, I got a new message.

I’ll be right back . . .

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