Jessica

Vozel

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March 14, 2008

Forget the Rest of New York; What About Eliot Spitzer’s Wife?

Philandering politicians get the headlines in each of America’s celebrated sex scandals. Spouses and significant others – the actual wronged parties – get to stand there doing the stand-by-your-man (or woman) act, only to have their actions publicly analyzed and criticized.

Some deal that is.

Since soon-to-be former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s fall this week, pundits have been arguing about which of the two parties is most scandalized and most prosecuted for its involvement in America’s political sex scandals. The answer is simple: No party, or person, is perfect, or without a shady spot or two in his or her past.

But usually we don’t hear much from the wives, save their stone-faced, politically-correct position next to their husbands at apologetic press conferences. Imagine having your husband’s infidelities broadcast for all to see, and the subsequent very public decision you have to make – love him or leave him.

Perhaps the most famous of jilted spouses, Sen. Hillary Clinton, chose to stick it out with her philandering husband, as do many of the women who find themselves, by association, wrapped up in an embarrassing sex scandal despite being wholly innocent. 

For some reason, in the aftermath of Spitzer’s misdoings, his wife, Silda Spitzer, has been receiving some additional, and likely unwanted, attention. 

First, after Mrs. Spitzer stood at her husband’s side at his press conference, feminists speculated as to this phenomenon: What is with women who insist of standing by their men, even when they screw up? Why not let Spitzer defend himself by himself? Dana Goldstein at The American Prospect wrote: “When politicians are caught cheating, I'd wish they'd leave their wives in the green room while they address the press. You're in the dog house, and it should look that way. Those ‘stand by your man’ visuals are tired and demeaning.”

To be sure, it’s a tricky position to be in. If she “stands by her man” she is painted as weak-willed, without a mind of her own. But if she doesn’t show at the press conference, the divorce speculation will begin instantly and very publicly. She might be accused of being cold, heartless, unfeminine. By removing herself from the situation, she might further scandalize her already out-of-work and politically ruined husband by eliminating the one person who would dare defend him. 

Or, she could be accused of not being “nurturing” enough. On The Today Show this past Monday, during a panel discussion of the Spitzer scandal and cheating husbands in general, relationship psychologist and radio personality Dr. Laura Schesslinger sparked controversy by claiming that women are partly to blame if their husbands have affairs. As if Mrs. Spitzer has not suffered enough, now we must make the whole thing her fault? 

According to Dr. Laura, “When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs.”

In the context of our victim-blaming society, such a comment by Dr. Laura is not surprising, but is nonetheless disheartening. Women who are raped get accused of dressing or acting in a way that made the men do it. Women whose husbands are unfaithful are not nurturing enough. They drive their husbands to cheat. Such assertions are insulting to both women and men, by placing unnecessary blame on women and by denying any power that men have over their own decisions and physical acts. 

While sex scandals in the political arena should be made public, as our government does not need to be any more secretive than it already is, it’s a shame that the wives are becoming unwitting parties to that scandal and even their moves are scrutinized. In the midst of all of this, let’s not forget the truly guilty – the politicians who use their status to manipulate others and the system, and attempt to get everything they want with no repercussions. 

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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