Click Here North Star Writers Group
Syndicated Content.
Opinion.
Humor.
Features.
OUR WRITERS ABOUT US  • COLUMNISTS   NEWS/EVENTS  FORUM ORDER FORM RATES MANAGEMENT CONTACT
Political/Op-Ed
Eric Baerren
Lucia de Vernai
Herman Cain
Dan Calabrese
Alan Hurwitz
Paul Ibrahim
David Karki
Llewellyn King
Nathaniel Shockey
Stephen Silver
Candace Talmadge
Jessica Vozel
Feature Page
David J. Pollay - The Happiness Answer
Cindy Droog - The Working Mom
The Laughing Chef
Humor
Mike Ball - What I've Learned So Far
Bob Batz - Senior Moments
D.F. Krause - Business Ridiculous
 
 
 
 
 
David J. Pollay
Positive Psychology
  David's Column Archive

 

August 20, 2007

Baby Crying on a Plane? Turn a Negative to a Positive                                               

The plane was full. My seat was 22C. To my surprise there was no one beside me and no one behind me. I felt like I had won the lottery of airplane seating. You know the feeling. You can spread out. You can recline without bothering anyone. You can even use two tray tables!

I was flying to Chicago to present one of my corporate seminars. I needed to concentrate on reviewing my program. The peace and quiet would be great. I immediately opened my bag and began to work. The flight attendants were readying the plane for takeoff when it happened.

“You’re in 23C,” I heard a flight attendant say. And just as I looked up I heard the increasingly loud cries of a baby. A mother and her upset baby girl were coming my way. Right behind me was the seat 23C.

Five minutes later the baby’s cry turned into a wail and her little legs were kicking my seat. I couldn't work with such distraction.

There were no answers to my questions: “Why does the little girl have to kick my seat? Isn’t there a way to stop the baby from crying? And why of all places on the plane do they have to sit right behind me!?” I started searching for what I could say, or what I should do. There was nowhere for me to go.

When Your Road Turns Negative Create a Fork in Your Path

Then I smiled. I realized I actually had a choice. I could either see the situation as a dead-end negative, or I could see the situation in another way. I could find another road out and take it. And I did. In that moment I found another way to look at the situation.

I now call it “my fork.”

I thought of my own children. I started to laugh when I thought of Eliana, 4, and Ariela, 3, and how they had done their share of crying and seat-kicking in airplanes, as hard as we tried to stop it. So I turned the baby’s crying and seat-kicking into a reminder that I have two wonderful little girls of my own. Each time the little girl cried or kicked my seat, I felt grateful for my daughters.

Sure I would have preferred the flight to be quieter, but guess what? I was able to work because I became quieter inside. I replaced the negative emotion I was feeling with gratitude for my own children. Psychologist Barbara Frederickson at the University of North Carolina observed how inducing positive emotions in people following a negative experience loosens the vice grip that the negative event holds psychologically. She also found that people bounced back faster physiologically – their cardiovascular activity slowed.

When we landed in Chicago I stood up and turned to look at the mother and her child. She smiled a little nervously at me and started to apologize for her daughter’s crying. I stopped her. I pulled out my wallet, opened it and handed it to her. I pointed to the picture of my two little red-headed daughters. I said, “These are my little girls. They’re wonderful. And they cry too. Your daughter is beautiful. Congratulations.” She smiled and said, “Thank you.” I smiled and left the plane feeling good (something I wouldn't have thought possible when the crying and kicking began).

So the next time a situation seems to be a frustrating dead end, ask yourself, “What’s my fork?” There’s almost always another road you can take.

 

David J. Pollay is an internationally sought-after speaker and seminar leader, a syndicated columnist and is the founder and president of TheMomentumProject.com. Mr. Pollay holds a Master’s Degree in Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, and an Economics Degree from Yale University. Email him your thoughts and stories at david@themomentumproject.com.

 

© 2007 David J. Pollay. Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

 

Click here to talk to our writers and editors about this column and others in our discussion forum.

 

To e-mail feedback about this column, click here. If you enjoy this writer's work, please contact your local newspapers editors and ask them to carry it.

 

This is Column # DJP022. Request permission to publish here.