May 21, 2007
Hug Now; Don’t Save It
Recently I arrived home from the office, and my dad was standing in the
driveway. Dad is 6’2” and wears a full beard. He was talking to two pro
football-sized construction workers. As I approached them, they all
turned and looked at me. I said, “Hi Dad. Hey guys.” I then stepped
forward, shook my dad’s hand, pulled him into me, hugged him and gave
him a kiss on the cheek. I then walked into the house.
For three generations my family has done the same thing. We kiss and hug
when we see each other. We kiss and hug when we say goodbye. And we
don’t care who is watching. My parents taught me through their example.
My grandmother reinforced this practice by something she said to me 32
years ago.
I
was nine years old. It was wintertime in Milwaukee. My family was
leaving Northridge Shopping Mall after a movie. Mom, Dad, my brother
Mike and my grandparents were there. I was mad at my dad. I still have
no idea why. But I know that I was mad. I was pouting and I wasn’t
talking to him.
It
was snowing that night and the temperature was below freezing. Dad told
us to wait inside the mall so that he could warm up the van and pull it
up to the front door.
That’s when Nana came up to me and said, “Your father loves you and you
love him. Don’t go to bed angry at him. Kiss and hug him before you go
to bed tonight. Tell him that you love him. You never know when the Lord
will take him from you.”
Few words have had such an impact on me as those of my grandmother that
night. “You never know when the Lord will take him from you.”
Dawn and I recently attended the funeral of a colleague’s father who had
passed away of a major heart attack. His son was eulogizing him. He said
that one minute his father was talking; the next minute he was gone. My
colleague was respectful of his father and he recalled good times. And
then he said something that deeply saddened us: “I never did hear my
father say that he loved me.”
My
mother taught us that you hug, kiss and say that you love someone when
you wake up, when you go to bed, before you leave the house and before
you hang up the phone.
Psychology researchers have long talked about the importance of feeling
a “secure attachment” to the ones you love. You need to feel confident
and secure in another’s love for you. The positive impact of this in
your life is far reaching. Demonstrating affection and saying what’s in
your heart is the best way to nourish your most cherished relationships.
Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts of the National
Football League, lost his 18 year-old son, James, two years ago.
Eulogizing his son, Coach Dungy said that he had last seen his son at
Thanksgiving. They had said goodbye before James left for the airport.
Coach Dungy knew that he would see his son again soon. He did not think
much about the casual way they said goodbye.
But Coach Dungy never did see his son again. “I never got to hug him
again,” he said. “That’s one thing I’ll always think about and always
remind people to do: Hug ‘em every chance you get.”
My
Dad is now 77. He just visited me in my office. I hugged and kissed him
when he arrived. I hugged and kissed him when he left. My grandmother
would be proud.
© 2007 David J. Pollay.
Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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