April 9, 2007
What’s Your Story?
Make It a Good One
“What’s your story?” We used to ask this question when I was growing up
in Wisconsin. We didn’t know what the question really meant; it was more
of an expression. We just wanted to know why someone was acting the way
they were.
Freshman year in college, I was asked to play a simple game in my
Introduction to Psychology class. Professor Judith Rodin, future
president of the University of Pennsylvania, asked us to be an
“eyewitness” to a staged event, and then describe what we saw
afterwards. You could guess the results. Our descriptions of the same
event were different student to student, sometimes dramatically. The
“facts” were not as obvious as we thought they would be.
Our life is not a series of facts only. It is mostly a set of
interpretations we have made about events in our life. These
interpretations add up to a theme. This theme is expanded into a story,
a story of who we think we are, what we have experienced and what we’re
likely to choose in the future.
On
the first day of my graduate education in Applied Positive Psychology,
guest lecturer and former CEO of the American Psychological Association,
Ray Fowler, asked us to share with him our “life theme.” Fowler
explained that our life theme is played out in almost everything we do.
When you understand your theme, you better understand the successes and
challenges of your life.
Fowler’s “life theme” idea is a powerful place to start when designing
your life. Your historical path is a good predictor of your future
trajectory.
Years ago, I was sitting in a conference room with one of my employees.
He had once again offended a customer and half my department. I was
trying to help him realize that his brash approach to communication was
not helping our business, and it wasn’t helping him. And then in a
moment of frustration he yelled out proudly, “My way has gotten me this
far!” I paused. I looked at him. I felt sad. He was right. He wanted to
be a director, yet he was a second level customer service
representative. His story was not working.
Dan McAdams, professor of Psychology at Northwestern University, refers
to our stories as our personal myths. McAdams said in his book The
Stories We Live By, “If you feel that your myth is stagnant, if you
sense that you are not moving forward in life with purpose, if you
believe that you are falling behind in some sense with respect to the
growth of your personal identity, then what you are looking for is
developmental change in personal myth.”
Last month, I went with my mom to an art history class at Florida
Atlantic University. The room was packed to hear Professor David
Courtney. His message that day was captured in his question to the
class, “Are you taking an adventure every day of your life?” He wanted
us to immerse ourselves in something we love, something that challenges
us every day.
Each day is an opportunity to build our positive life story. Our story
guides our actions; it is the link to realizing our best possible life.
I
recently called Ray Fowler; I was considering a significant opportunity
in my life and I wanted his advice. Fowler told me, “For 40 years my
philosophy has been, if you’re presented with an ‘outrageous’
opportunity, take it. I have never regretted doing something. I have
only regretted not doing something.”
Consider Fowler’s advice. Consider Courtney’s advice. Make your life
story about adventure, meaning and growth.
So, what’s your story?
© 2007 David J. Pollay.
Distributed by North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.
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