May 31, 2006

The Super-Exciting Democratic Plan for America

In fairness to Democrats, there would be little they could do with a policy agenda beyond “We hate George Bush,” since they don’t control a single federal institution of power. This is why they can be forgiven for having no such policy agenda. Just ask Howard Dean. He’ll tell you. Why have an agenda if you don’t have any power?

Ah, but they want power. And they think they can taste it, at least in the House. Forget for a moment that House incumbents have a 98 percent re-election rate, and that Democrats need a net pickup of 16 seats to take the House. Forget that in most of the House districts where they think they have a shot, Bush had strong re-elect numbers.

Forget those facts. They are no fun. Just go on Bush’s approval ratings, which add up to Speaker Nancy Pelosi. If you were a Democrat, and you hadn’t had anything to be giddy about since Tom Foley was still around, you’d be smelling victory too.

The only problem with winning, as Republicans have discovered of late, is that you actually do have to govern. No more excuses about not needing an agenda because you don’t have any power.

So it’s fair to ask the Dems: If you want to govern, how would you do it? What exciting things should we expect from you that would be great for America? Granted, control of the House in 2007-2008 is not exactly running the country. You still don’t have the White House and probably don’t have the Senate.

But a smart party would pass its legislation, even if only in the one chamber it controls, then take the case for that agenda to the nation and dare the other side to block it. So what the heck, let’s say for the sake or argument that the Democrats are a smart party.

According to the Democratic National Committee, the Dems would do the following:

• Create jobs that will stay in America by restoring opportunity and “driving innovation.” So this is the reason they want to return to higher tax rates – because white hot economic growth and new job creation that could top 3 million in this year alone is the opposite of opportunity. As for the Democrats driving innovation, I sort of prefer when, you know, people in business do that – but they’re going to be too busy with all those opportunities the Democrats are going to create for them.
• Increase national security by “telling the truth” to the troops, the allies and the world. Actually, they don’t need to get elected to do this. Whenever the National Security Agency is engaged in clandestine surveillance against terrorists, Democrats are sure to “tell the truth” and let them know about it, usually with the help of the New York Times.
• Reduce America’s dependence on foreign oil. One presumes this means increasing domestic supply, but since drilling off-shore or in the Alaskan National Wildlife Reserve are verboten to the Dems, I guess they’re planning on reducing our foreign dependence by accelerating the invention of “Mr. Fusion,” Doc Brown’s contraption from Back to the Future that makes his car run on garbage. They said they were going to drive innovation!
• Universal health care, because this was such a winning idea the last time they tried it, it cost them control of both the House and the Senate, and they’ve never won them back at the ballot box since. The Dems remind us, after all, that 36 other nations do it. Democrats. Elect us and America will copy other countries. Even if it means you have to wait until 2039 for a new gall bladder. Sit and read a magazine. Preferably The Nation.
• Ensure retirement security! Democrats will accomplish this by ending all talk that Social Security is in any trouble whatsoever. FDR wouldn’t start a program that would go bankrupt! So leave it the way it is!
• Oh, and they will promote educational excellence, which usually means stop criticizing public schools and teacher unions, because that isn’t nice and doesn’t support education.

To summarize: Raise taxes, blab about classified activity, prevent oil drilling, socialize medicine, do nothing about Social Security and give the NEA what it wants.

This is a governing strategy? It’s certainly not much of a campaign strategy, as they themselves seem to realize, which is why you have to search the DNC web site to find it. On the talk shows, the theme is the same as it’s been since January 20, 2001: We hate George Bush! But they can hate Bush just fine in the minority, and in the past three elections, the nation has seemed to prefer that they do so in this manner.

There is one thing the Democrats say they’re going to do that I am all in favor of: End Republican corruption. I want this. Back in the day, Democratic corruption was much more entertaining. The House bank scandal was a classic, as was the House post office fiasco. This is the party that pioneered the big city political machine, patronage politics and posthumous voting. Republican corruption is amateurish by comparison.

But someone should tell the Democrats that, before they can grab that House gavel, they will actually have to go through a campaign, and people will ask about their governing agenda. If all they have to offer is the platform summarized above, they won’t be doing any governing any time soon.

This is Column # DC35. Request permission to publish here.