September 6, 2007

Larry Craig’s Inept Pursuit of Self-Interest

So now Sen. Larry Craig may not resign after all, and may try to find a way to reverse his guilty plea – perhaps claiming that his foot-tapping in the Minneapolis airport men’s room was merely an attempt to communicate in Morse Code.

First you plead guilty. Then you announce that you’ve done nothing wrong. Then you resign. Then you reconsider resigning. The only consistency here is that Craig has been self-serving throughout the entire saga – and quite ineptly at that.

The criminal charge against Craig always seemed thin to me. Tapping one’s foot in a stall may well be a recognized sign of seeking sex, and it’s not hard to believe that’s what Craig was doing – especially after peering into the adjacent stall as he is “alleged” to have done. (Do I really have to write “alleged” when he’s already pled guilty?)

Even so, I find it surprising that the police bust you just for the tapping, rather than having to wait for – at the very least – some sort of verbal expression or actual sexual advance. If Craig had really been concerned about his “good name,” the time to fight the charge was when the charge was leveled.

But the self-serving thing to do, or so he thought when it all happened back in June, was to enter a guilty plea with the understanding that the media would not be alerted. Remember, this is a United States Senator who has been the subject of homosexuality rumors for more than two decades. The not-gay-never-been-gay defense is a longstanding one. What a drag, then, that Sen. Not-Gay-Never-Been-Gay would be caught in a gay sex sting – and oh so innocently, too!

But not much ever goes away quietly anymore, and the police interview tapes that have emerged reveal Craig to have given up the game. “I need to make this fly,” he explains to the officer. In other words, whatever is going to avoid a political scandal is what he needs to do.

More than two months later, when the story emerged, Craig’s first instinct was to instantaneously contradict himself – by declaring his innocence and declaring his intention to resign all within a period of a few days. Why? Because his self-preservation instinct told him not to admit a thing, but he seemed to have no friends in Washington anymore.

Suddenly, he found a friend. Fellow Republican Sen. Arlen Specter, joining the long list of people who looked at the case and realized Craig could have easily beaten the rap had he tried, declared that Craig should fight the charge. This didn’t occur to Craig at the time of the incident, perhaps because no one who was considering the political ramifications told him so.

But now, well, if Arlen Specter says he should fight the charge, that changes everything. Maybe Larry won’t resign. Maybe Larry will try to withdraw his guilty plea. Maybe Larry will end up starring in the sequel to “Gideon’s Trumpet.”

Nothing Craig has done throughout this entire affair has made any sense. First, you don’t peer into an occupied men’s room stall. Most guys would knock your block off if you did that. Next, he actually passes his U.S. Senate business card under the stall divider? Good grief! Anonymity is king in the men’s room! The wide-stance toe-tapping is bad enough. You’re not there to make friends, Larry. Do what you have to do and get the hell out.

Then he pleads guilty, without even talking to a lawyer, because all he cares about is no one finding out. Then, when everyone finds out, he denies everything, only to quit when no one comes to his defense, only to change his mind when one person comes to his defense after all.

From the very beginning, Craig has calculated every move to try to protect himself and his own political viability. It has never been about doing the right thing. It’s always been about doing for Larry what Larry wants – whether that means finding a place to get his jollies, finding a way to hush it all up or finding a way to save his political hide.

And if it appears that the best way to serve himself changes by the hour, then change he will.

Atrocious men’s room etiquette alone requires that such a man is unfit to serve in the United States Senate. The constant elevation of self-interest above truth and honor, blatant even for a politician, only confirms it. Time to ride off into the sunset, Larry. Oh, and on a horse, you always need a wide stance.