August 13, 2007
Canada’s Rebuke of U.S. is Over the Top
Someone in the Obama
campaign needs to get on this. It may soon be time for the United States
to go to war with Canada.
international chest-puffer, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is
making noise about its determination to defend its “natural sovereignty”
in the waters of the Arctic Ocean.
In case you haven’t
been following the action at the top of the world, Russia recently sent
a submarine to plant a Russian flag on the ocean floor at the
approximate location of the North Pole. Why? The Lomonosov Ridge, an
undersea mountain range that lies beneath the North Pole, is rich in
energy resources. Apparently the Russians believe a flag on the ocean
floor is tantamount to draping one’s coat over a chair before heading
for the buffet table.
“I’m sitting here! I
Not so fast, Yuri.
Here comes Denmark! The Danes say the Lomonosov Ridge is a geological
extension of Greenland, which they own, and which had to come in handy
for something one of these days. So they’re off to the North Pole too,
perhaps to steal the vodka stash the Russians hid inside Santa’s
All this has Canada,
which thinks it owns the Arctic, seething mad. At the United
It seems the U.S.
takes all these claims of North Pole ownership about as seriously as
they deserve to be taken, which is not at all, and regularly sends
nuclear submarines on Arctic Ocean joyrides. Hey, MSNBC reports
uncritically that “global warming is melting the passage,” which means
new fishing stocks and a highly attractive new shipping route.
Might as well go
check the place out – and keep pumping out SUVs so we can start building
resorts up there while we’re at it.
David Wilkins, the
U.S. ambassador to Canada, said last week that the U.S. does not
recognize the claims of Canada, or any other nation for that matter, of
sovereignty in the Arctic, which has long been considered international
waters by just about everyone. He termed Canada’s plan to increase its
military presence in the region as creating a problem that doesn’t
But it is a
problem for Harper, even if only in Harper’s imagination. He is what
passes for a conservative in Canada, and his recent election elicited
charges from Canada’s far-left media that he would be a lapdog for
George W. Bush. That’s the worst thing in the world, of course, so
Harper blustered at Wilkins’s remarks by talking big about “defending”
Canada’s “sovereignty” in the Arctic Ocean.
Let’s see here. The
Russians plant a flag at the North Pole. The U.S. takes a ride in a
submarine. And which one do you threaten? Your ally, of course! It’s
right out of the Barack Obama playbook. If Obama doesn’t get elected
president of the United States, in which case he could attack Canada in
addition to Pakistan and other allies, maybe he could move to Canada,
get elected there and attack the U.S.
So. Is Canada really
going to amass troops in the Arctic to wait for meddling Americans, then
start hostile action?
Let’s say, just for
giggles, that the next time the Russians show up at the North Pole, it’s
with more than just a flag. Let’s say they show up with thousands of
divisions, and they just keep going. Does this seem over the top to you?
Canada is already socialist. Aside from its complete military
ineptitude, Canada may be the closest thing on Earth to the old Soviet
Union. It’s conceivable that, just for old times’ sake, the Russians
couldn’t help themselves.
What do you suppose
is the first phone call Stephen Harper makes? Yep.
“Red phone. Cheney
speaking. Steve! Hi. Oh, you know what? We’d love to help you out, but
we’ve been thinking about what you said – you know, about your
sovereignty? – and you were right. Our forces don’t belong in the
Arctic. Good luck fighting the Russians. I hear they’re easy if you can
get ’em drunk.”
Nice going, Steve.
Pick a fight with your most important ally – the only one that could
protect you from the menace that’s actually making trouble in the region
you say concerns you.
Then again, maybe
Harper will just wait until Obama is elected and then attack the U.S.
With Obama as America’s commander-in-chief, Canada might actually win.
Then, President Harper and Minister of Health Obama can plot their
invasion of Pakistan – without using nukes, of course.
Canadians. What makes them think they can be the world’s Mountie? Ah
well. America the superpower had a good run. I guess we learned our
lesson. Don’t mess with the Maple Leaf Madman.
© 2007 North Star Writers
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