July 23, 2007

Still Approve of Bush? It’s a Lonely Life for a 29 Percenter

The dinner party seemed to be going fine. I was a little quiet, which is not necessarily the norm, so people started to notice.

“What’s with Dan tonight?” asked the hostess. “I haven’t heard him this quiet since that Vikings-Giants championship game.”

Grrrrrrr.

The conversation involved the evils of Dick Cheney and the fruitless search for WMDs in Iraq. I picked at my chicken.

My wife decided to speak on my behalf.

“Oh, honey, it’s no big deal. You should just open up about your secret.”

Everyone looked at me.

“What secret, Dan?”

“Oh look,” I said. “There are walnuts in this salad.”

“Angie, you tell us.”

“He’s a 29 Percenter,” my wife said.

The other guests gasped. “You mean . . . . ?”

“Yes. He still approves of the performance of George W. Bush as president.”

There was an awkward silence. Sort of like when a firing squad is getting ready to do its thing, but first they have to put the blindfold on the poor guy.

The guest at the end of the table – the one who “works” as the executive director of a foundation – broke the silence.

“I must say, you’re the first one I’ve met. I always just figured the 29 percent they talk about was a statistical anomaly. So there are actually real people like you.”

The bleached blonde who’s married to the art gallery curator tried to be polite.

“How interesting! Tell me about this. I mean, did something happen when you were growing up?”

I shifted uneasily in my chair. I would have used the excuse that I couldn’t talk with my mouth full, but everyone knows that never stopped me before.

“Well, see, here’s how it is,” I said. “He cut taxes. The economy’s been growing for three years, his judicial appointments have been excellent. He’s the first president who’s called out the UN on its ineffectual, corrupt nonsense and he’s treating the threat of terrorism like the act of war against our country that it is. I know what the polls say, but I really can’t find that much to disapprove of.”

Six people said in unison: “What about the mess in Iraq?” Then they said in unison: “Jinx! You owe me a Coke!”

“No one ever said building a democracy in Iraq would be easy,” I said. “It’s a hard thing to do, but it’s an important thing to do.”

The semi-retired consultant could hardly contain himself.

“Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11!” he bellowed. “And what about ‘Mission Accomplished’?

I rolled my eyes. Why hadn’t I gone out for KFC?

“The mission to which he was referring was the ouster of Saddam Hussein. It had been accomplished. And no one ever said Iraq was responsible for 9/11. It was about much bigger issues than just 9/11.”

Four people screamed out: “Cheney said Saddam was behind 9/11! I saw it on CNN!”

Jinx. They owed each other Cokes.

“I don’t like the way he walks,” said the auto executive. “His body language exudes arrogance. He needs to take a Dale Carnegie course. I took a Dale Carnegie course.”

Sigh.

It’s a lonely life we lead – we 29 Percenters. Sort of like the cowboy who has to take a herd over the plain with nothing but his horse and his thoughts to keep him company . . .

Smack!

My wife tells me to snap out of it. It’s time to go home. But not before the Bleached Blonde offers a final thought.

“I just want you to know I think you’re really brave to admit what you did about yourself. It’s kind of cool. Sort of edgy, in a way. I know it’s hard, but don’t be ashamed!”

Hey. Maybe this will become kind of cool. The 29 Percenters. Maybe we’re really a bunch of bad asses.

Snarl. World, do you have what it takes to deal with me? Oh, my wife wants me to hold her purse.

Yes, dear.