Candace

Talmadge

Read Candace's bio and previous columns

May 19, 2008

Help! The Mobile Technology Borg Has Assimilated Me!

Dr. Jekyll – the Boomer who shunned the entire mobile work/play movement – has morphed into Ms. on-the-fly Hyde, who can now place and receive phone calls, send e-mails, surf the Internet, write a column and even read an entire novel while never setting foot inside her office.

What a pity that all these fancy new go-go gizmos – cell phone, laptop, e-book reader and digital MP3 file recorder – can’t do something really useful, like whip up a gourmet feast, put away the laundry or mow the lawn. Or something luxuriant, like a full body massage. (They do, however, thoroughly wear out the wallet and leave it on life support.)

Single-handedly trying to keep the economy from slipping into a coma, I purchased all the aforementioned gadgets in a one-month fit of mobile techno-madness. And voila – among the multitude of accompaniments to these shiny new devices is a 96-page instruction manual on how to read a book and play music (on an e-book reader). I used to be able just to flip open the cover or push the radio “on” button to accomplish these two tasks. Such is progress.

There are volumes upon volumes of other highly complex instruction manuals to decipher as well. Forget trying to recall any of the actual directions. Just punch a button somewhere and see what happens. That’s always amusing, and usually the best way to learn about operating any electronic device. With a laptop, this MO becomes a true adventure.

Another curious thing about mobile computers. Owning one is like buying a Barbie doll. It isn’t possible to purchase only the doll. There are all manner of must-have accessories, not one of which is cheap, of course. There is the suitable carrying case. The cooling platform, to keep the little darling’s circuits from overheating. The USB laser mouse, for those who cannot adapt to a trackball. The wireless modem for times when WiFi access is not available. The AC power adapter and the auto/boat/airplane power adapter, the extra power supply, and more. The care and feeding price tag for these smallest of computers is larger than the GDP of many Southeast Asian island nations.

Then there are product registrations to fill out (online is much better than cards through the snail mail). Hardware and software to install – especially thrilling when the change screws up something that was working five minutes before. There are physical files to set up to keep the manuals and other product data in some sort of order.

The head spins and the concentration splutters.

At times I sneak a longing look back to the Pre-Mobile Era (something akin to the Pre-Cambrian Age), but there is no return. Resistance ultimately was futile. The Borg won. I have been absorbed into the portable collective not with a bang and barely a whimper. I’m simply too overwhelmed.

There were warnings. “You will get so spoiled” by the cell phone, a friend remarked, explaining how she and her husband use theirs to locate each other when they get separated inside a “big box” store. Whatever happened to bread crumbs?

And rumblings. For more than a decade I had contemplated acquiring all these mobile devices. Always, I had some excuse or another not to take the plunge. Nor do I loathe technology simply because it is technology. Word processors are a God-send to a writer who cannot type worth beans (mentioning no names). Heck, in that Pre-Mobile Era, I was using desktop computers, faxes and email on the job more than a decade before this technology first seeped into the wider workplace. 

After resisting so hard for so long, something just snapped, and I went off the deep end of mobility with a vengeance. Supposedly all these new gizmos will make my work life easier and more productive. Still struggling up a learning curve steeper than Mount Everest, I waver between doubt and hope. 

For now my modest goal is to keep my mental circuits from overloading and shorting out.

© 2008 North Star Writers Group. May not be republished without permission.

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